Wednesday's Laugh

I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week.
Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I
had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed
everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 AM . The
trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to
spare. As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene
when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to
make the full effort.

So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was
sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick was h in that area to
make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes
basket, put on some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my
appointment.

I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in.
Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I undressed, hopped up on the
table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I
was in Paris or some other place a million miles away.

I was a little surprised when the doctor said, 'My, we have made an extra
effort this morning, haven't we?' I didn't respond. After the appointment,
I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was
normal ... Some shopping, cleaning, cooking. After school when my 6 year
old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, 'Mommy, where's my
washcloth?'

I told her to get another one from the cupboard.

She replied, 'No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my
glitter and sparkles saved inside it.'

Never going back to that doctor. Ever.

( With thanks to Kat for making my day start with laughter.)

Grandpa Horton Rolls Up The Rim

Grandpa Horton : I have a secret honeypoo. I stole Ma's laptop again .
Martha : Hehehehehhee ...you're such a bad boy !


Grandpa Horton : Sweetie, I feel like heading down to the shop for another coffee. What about you?
Martha : We have only been there 10 times in one day Big Daddy ..
Grandpa Horton : I know darlin' but its the beginning of Roll Up The Rim and you know how this old bugger likes free stuff.
Martha : I feel like I am on coffee overload .. all I can see is Tim Horton cups everywhere .
Grandpa Horton : Let's get rollin'..... I feel like a winner.
Martha : You are a winner Poppykins.

"Grandpa Horton thinks he is the only one who knows how to type. I have been sitting on Ma's lap for 2 years and have learned a few new tricks. This the news according to Wiz : Roll Up the Rim has 40 Toyota RAV4's, 100 $10,000 Cash Prizes , 1,000 Toshiba Netbooks,
25,000 Tim Cards, and over 31,000 ,000 Food Prizes . I don't drink coffee but I eat anything so feel free to mail me all your food prizes. Time for a wiz......
Your bud (and Ma's ),
Wizard

Who Is This Crazy Lady?

I am sure that is what my neighbors were thinking if they happened to spot me yesterday morning at 6 a.m. chasing my German Shepherd Karma in the backyard snow with a foil pie plate, little Yorkie Wiz ball nipping at my heels. Let me backtrack. For months now , Karma has developed an ongoing allergy problem which will turn into a life long battle unless she mysteriously outgrows it the way she came into it. In order to rule out an UTI ( Urinary Tract Infection), it was my solemn duty to capture the first concentrated mid stream dog pee of the morning. The night before, I prepared like a soldier in battle . My winter parka , boots, pie plate and plastic container for the vet transport were all in close proximity for my morning pee mission. At 6 a.m. Tuesday morning I donned my battle apparel and headed outside to complete my purpose with the determination of a true soldier. Keep in mind I was still half asleep and in my pajamas. Karma and Wizzy were extemely happy to see me outside at this undogly hour and promptly decided that a game of chase me was the order of the day. Karma became the leader taking a mad dash with her toy in her mouth, I followed with the tin plate , and Wizzy followed the two of us yapping happily to be in this unusal morning parade. By the time Karma squatted I was too much of a distance away to retrieve the yellow gold . She stopped in mid stream when I yelled at her "Noooooooooooooo.....". Both dogs froze ,( I was frozen) and looked at me in shock. I could almost read their devious little minds ("What's with her ? Aren't we suppose to do this pee thing outside ?")
I knew what I had to do. I marched indoors like the trooper I am and came back with Karma's leash . I leashed my patient and took her promptly back to said urine area and repeated my bathroom command of "Hurry up!". Like clockwork, Karma released and I captured her urine sample in the foil pie plate which was tranferred to the disposable plastic for the animal hospital.
Both dogs proceeded inside with me. Mission accomplished.
Later on that day I found out the postive news that Karma did not have any urine infection.
Wiz was happy to be around all the wizzing....and as for me ,

I am forever labelled as the neighborhood crazy lady.