Mean Kitty

Mean Kitty lasted about a week . Cammy Camel less than that and Ellie Elephant busted her fluff almost immediately . I am in search of a plush doggy toy that my pup's chompers won't shred for at least a month . Besides that the financial aspect of it all is peeving me off although I do realize it's way less expensive than replacing a sofa . Karma loves to chew and she demolishes Busy Bone in 15 minutes or less and Healthy Edibles in seconds . Kong ( not King ) is only her favourite when it has a cheez whiz surprise inside it . I give her one raw bone every day on the advice of my breeder even though it grosses me out . She is also a digger and likes to hide her stock . Ma's golf course should be ready by June . Feel free to leave me any advice while I leave for the pet store once again . Grrrrrrrrrr........

Thought for the Day

Sometimes ...when you cry ...no one sees your tears ...

Sometimes ...when you are worried ... no one sees your pain ...

Sometimes ... when you are happy ... no one sees your smile ...

But fart just one time ...

Call Me Juice Newton

Who the heck would call their kid "Juice " anyways ? JB wins a glass of Ma's homemade juice goof . I love this freakin' machine . I have been squishing apples , carrots , celery , beets , oranges , spinach and drinking my own version of love potion # 9 every morning . It's entertaining to watch too and clean up is a snap . Speaking of cleaning up , the extra fibre is doing it's job in that department too . Can't call me an uptight old broad anymore . La la la la la love it !

Whatizit ?

a) Ma's new ice cream making machine

b) A penis enlarger ( oops can I say that ..oh right , it is my site )

c) A futuristic pooper scooper

d) The Stanley Cup

e) none of the above

"... and They Called It Puppy Love ..."

Spring is for puppies too . Imagine not one , not two , but three puppies all at one time . We visited a friend last week who has welcomed three Golden Retriever puppies into their family . Meet Chloe , Xander , and JJ . They are blonde , cute, lovable , and quite the handful. James is the 12 year old male who has taken to puppy sitting his brood of triplets . They are beautiful puppies with sweet dispositions and are with a people family that will love and care for them forever. Now that's what I call puppy love ....and lotsa work !

Beautiful , Beautiful , Brown Ears

I saw something today I wish I had never seen . This afternoon I was taking care of True while my daughter worked . Her dog has a case of panostetis , a traveling arthritis that happens sometimes in rapidly growing large dogs . He will outgrow it but for now she must limit his exercise for a little while . I had him on the leash with me while we enjoyed the afternoon sunshine in her backyard . Molly was next door . She is a cute Basset Hound that is smaller than the norm and is about the same age as our pups . She stood watching us proudly overlooking her latest stool delivery . Then she bent her lovely head down and ate three quarters of her sh** , her long velvet brown ears dipping over the entire mess . Is it just me or are more and more dogs eating their own poop ? I called her name and she gave me back a small howl as if to say "..well if you read the news lady , this is safer to eat then our own dog food these days ." I cannot argue with that fact . Don't get me wrong . Molly is a sweetheart . I am sure she has many better attributes besides being a feces eating, spotted pork link . Before I left she had literally cleaned up her act and gave me a one final look at her hind end , clean as a whistle , just like the yard . Now I know why .

It's Here

I can smell it . It's moving ever so slowly underneath the dirty snow . It's in the snap of the melting ice and the rushing of the water to the culverts. It's in the prance of my dog as she sees objects and sounds all new to her . It's in the scent of dead grass and chalk like feces left irresponsibly behind . It's in the sand on the road and the forgotten salt on the cars . It's in the sky as the birds circle and call over to each other for their timeless ritual . It's in the laughing eyes of the neighborhood kids with new skipping ropes . It's in the whoosh of the bicycles racing by you . It's in the surprise of a red tulip braving the chill of the morning air . It's in the glass being windexed to let the light shine in after the frost . It's in the smile of the people you pass who are eager to walk in the hope of a new day . It's Spring ..and it's here ...finally .

Spring is for Babies ...

.... even old ones . I actually remember that day though I was barely 3 years old at the time . My parents took my older brother and I to my grandmother's house to get our pictures taken . In later years , I recall my mother telling me that my little skirt was sewn from an old woolen plaid scarf and she kept the little pink sweater for years after I had outgrew it . She would painstakingly put my straight fine hair into pin curls and make faces to get me smiling for the camera . I had the kind of chubby cheeks that every relative thought was fun to pull and koochy koo ... still do...some things you never out grow .

Smile , Feel Good and Be Happy Pictures

By special request , the beautiful , blue angel eyes of Jaden . There are just some photos that need no words to express the wonder , joy and innocence of childhood . I held this baby in my arms on the day of her birth over a year ago and all the memories of my own babies came flooding back . If only Time had a speed limit on happy moments . She is a delight to all who have the good fortune to meet her and she is truly loved by her very special parents and family . I picture her gracing the cover of a major magazine one day and saying ..." I knew her when ..."

Hairaphy

My name is Ma and I am a shampooaholic . My latest purchase was Sunsilk liquid gold to get rid of the flats . The bright yellow bottle joins the rest of my sacred collection of shampoos for volumizing , taming , texurizing and curling . Mousses are a close second in the hair perfection game . I admit I am a sucker for hair marketing strategies . I have Pantened , Vivaed , Doved , Herbal Essenced , (highly over rated in the shower ) , Aussied , Infusiumed , Wellaed , La Couped , Hair and Maned my head hoping for something I will never have .... thick , curly hair . My daughter and my sister both have brave new haircuts . Every time I think about changing my classic Diane Keaton look into something new and different there is always somebody on the exact week of my next hair cut who will casually remark how much they like my hair . Friggin' follicles .. I have done the poodle , the Farah , the dutch boy , the too blonde , the mousey blonde , and the highlighted blonde . The last few years as I become more indecisive I am blonde , redhead and brunette . Call me schizophrenihair . So here is the question . Help Ma find a new look and win a date with one of Ottawa's most eligible bachelors to a one and half star eatery ( drinks not included ) .
What should I do with my hair ?

"When Irish Eyes are Smiling

...Sure 'tis like a morn in Spring . " It seems on St .Patricks Day we all have a bit of the Irish in us . Somewhere in my family tree sits some red nosed Irishman joking with his pub pals , throwing back a pint of Guinness and singing Danny Boy 'from glen to glen and down the mountainside' ...and that's no blarney . This must be why green is my favourite colour and why nothing can make me feel better inside than a shamrocking good laugh . One of the most beautiful pair of smiling eyes I have ever seen shine from my adopted grandaughter Jaden .
" In the lilt of Irish laughter
You can hear the angels sing
When Irish hearts are happy
All the world seems bright and gay
And when Irish eyes are smiling
Sure they steal your heart away."

One Big Smile

My daughter Dawn said something to me the other day that is so appropriate . She said " Mom , whenever I think of Karma , I think of one big smile ". As I watch my puppy learn and grow into this beautiful and intelligent breed I know more then ever why she was meant to be with me . Her size will be as large as her faithful heart and I love her more each day .

Our Fellow Graduates

CONGRATULATIONS ! Let's all go out and roll in the dirt and think spring .

Graduation Night

Monday night Karma and True received their certificates for novice obedience . Just seems like yesterday they were peeing on the floor and chasing their tails . My proud Daddy came to watch. He brought a pocketful of doggy treats for the grads , forgetting how sense of smell is number uno in the canine world and nearly ended up in a dog avalanche . Everything went well because the dogs were tested separately until the last event when we were together for the long sit and stay and long down . True saw his sister and cried like a baby and Karma broke her stays to see what her big brother was upset over . So we lost a few points because of sibling love . Big deal . We were proud mommies and our dogs love everybody and have amazing loving personalites . The snarly cocker may have won top dog but in the real world we are the winners . We plan to sign up again to fine tune our skills and help to make our dogs good canine citizens . I encourage anyone with a dog to take a course like this . It's a great night out , fun , and it trains you to be a responsible pet owner with an obedient and well soclialized dog .

The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Ma

Thank you all for your missin' Ma messages . What you don't know is that you could have been missing me permanently if not for the angel on the wing of my plane . Let me first say that I am not one to enjoy flying but I do it because it is the only mode of transport to get you somewhere quickly and I have travelled to many wonderful places I would never have seen without airplanes . This year due to the fact I do not have a valid passport as of yet , travel to any hot resort was out of the question , so I made a spur of moment decision to head west . I left March 1st on a bright and sunny , clear day for Toronto to make my connection . If you have read the news you will know that Pearson was shut down due to a bad weather from the western provinces on that day . There I was on a full passenger Jazz with turbulence to make you sick and nothing to look at but white nothingness . I thought for sure it was my death day . .. and I don't think I was the only passenger with those thoughts . After circling what seemed forever the pilot announced we were running out of fuel and that he had to divert us to either Chicago or Kingston .
Twenty anxious minutes later I found myself stranded in the city of Kingston . First time this has ever happened to me on any vacation . Air Canada's offer was to refuel and send you back to Timmins with no flights out until the Monday . One lady chose that because she was feeling sick ( although I do recall she was eating a big pizza ) . So I had to make a choice , to rent a van with six British men and head back into the storm and for the airport or rent a room in Kingston and make alternative plans . I chose the latter along with 2 other women who were headed for Toronto and they chose a hotel for us because they knew the area . The Radisson was a nice place near the water and any other time I might have enjoyed the view . We ate together at the Keg ( grilled salmon and wine ) and shared our stories of life and family . Strangers became friends and we laughed about our situation and hoped the day would bring a travel solution and the weather behave for a while . They had a lap top and helped me to find another way out while they took Via Rail . I never saw them in the morning but left my business card for Chris and Jackie and hoped they made it back home safely . As for me .... I flew into the eye of the storm and made it through to write this post .

I love Ellen

I have always loved Ellen from her early stand up days to her controversial coming out sitcom . She is funny and down to earth , witty and gay and happy and if I ever decided to change teams , it would be with Ellen . Her talk show is one of my favourite light moments of the day . Once I even emailed her site to tell her I was a fan and that she reminded me of my own funny kid N@ . So last night sitting in my jammies watching the Oscars I felt like Ellen's Mom and I was proud she was hosting the biggest award show of the year . She is never lewd or rude . Her suits were so her and one has to admire her flair for dancing and love of dogs . Personally I think the word gay is a great word and Ellen is a one of a kind great gay woman .

The Ice Man Cometh

This natural ice formation was found in my back yard and I wanted to share it with all of N@land . Milky will be green with envy that I captured such glacial artwork and Bobbycakes will be envious for other reasons .

My Gift

I am so lucky . For those of you who may or may not know I am a hearing impaired person and have had a hearing aid since the age of 28 . It is a heredity thing in my paternal family tree , my father , my grandmother.. and I have passed that lucky gene onto my youngest daughter . I have never really considered it a true handicap because putting things in perspective there are far worse things in this life . You learn to adapt to your quiet world and actually come to enjoy the peacefulness of less sound . I have learned to see the humour in many situations when I have heard the wrong word . Believe me when I say that missing that one consonant in a word can get you in a ton of trouble sometimes . Over the years my television has its closed caption on everyday and music is all new to me with my headset and CD player . My audiologist finally convinced me that with the advent of digital sound I should upgrade my old hearing aid . Today I did that . I am hearing the beeps on my microwave . I heard someone knocking on my father's apartment door through my telephone . I hear the cat meow from another room . I hear the hum of the refrigerator and the whoosh of air through the heating vents . Unlike all of you when I am tired of all these things I have the option of removing this amazing piece of technology and get a good night's sleep . Yep , I am the lucky one .

The Colour Purple

I am not good with colours . When I dress it is monochromatically . From Friday after Friday of watching What Not To Wear I have learned that I am far too matchy matchy . Boring beige is my middle name . So when my oldest daughter told me that purple and orange went together I thought she was losing her sense of style . One day old cranky ass sat on my bathroom mat and I saw the road to colour freedom . Orange and purple do match . All hail King Redford .

Miracle Whip On 34th Street

Okay so it was really low fat mayonnaise and there was no 34th street . Let me explain . My sister ( God bless her ) is always looking for new ways and products to help our skin look 12 again . The other day she sent me this homemade recipe to eliminate the crows that are blatantly strutting around our eye area . It calls for Kraft Miracle Whip slathered over your face , left on for 10 minutes , then you massage it in small circles and it exfoliates and , according to her , leaves you with younger , glowing skin . Last night I gave it a try . I subsituted low fat mayo for the original KMW and followed her instructions . No sooner had I done the deed when Karma followed her nose . Strong on the scent of vinegar , she spotted me , jumped up and washed me down like a macaroni salad . Feeling like a dog buffet , I went to the sink and decided that dog drool and mayo did nothing for my complexion . In fact , I looked like I had been in the Dominican for a month without sunscreen. I mean ruby RED ! Panicing , I called my sister who insisted that my skin was called glowing and not red . I had another word for it - irritated . In between her laughter she said and I quote " .. so I suppose this means you are not interested in the mashed banana moisturizing mask ? " I have decided to eat my food and not wear it .