My Irish Secret

Where is my Irish coffee ... caffeine ,sugar, alcohol , and fat .

Cat who?
Rob who?

Parade prep.
CTV float ..natch ..
Tommy flashes .....an Irish grin .
Lost in shamrocks
My Nattypatty and me
Mark who?
When Irish eyes are smilin'

Last year at this time I was in Montreal for the annual St Patrick's Day parade. I was invited along to ride the big bike with all the Mix 96 crew ( now all Virgins.) I had the best time. Nothing can put a smile on my face than spending time with my Nattypatty on St.Patty's Day or any day.
Whereever you go and whatever you do , may the luck of the Irish be there with you .
xoxooxoxxo

Top of The Morning

Hey all lads and lassies ..( and I luv the lassies ) it is The Wiz here at Ma's lap when I am not sittin' on hers. Yippeee doo doo ... I love the whole world today and everyday. The sun is shining , the snow is melting and all I see is Yorkshire poodings everywhere. Life is grand.
There is a bit of the devil in all of us and that is no malarkey.
..oops , here comes Ma ...time for puppy eyes. Yea I got her wrapped .
Time to check on Karmy ( wink ) .
Cheers .
Wizzy

Ode To Timmins

Timmins- February 2009




It's winter in Timmins And the gentle breezes blow,
70 miles per hour at 52 below!
Oh, how I love Timmins When the snow's up to your butt;
You take a breath of winter air
And your nose is frozen shut.
Yes, the weather here is wonderful,
I guess I'll hang around.
I could never leave Timmins Cause I'm frozen to the ground.

Turning Forty

One of my favorite people and fellow bloggers is turning the big 4-0 today and having a difficult time with the number. That is the point. It is a number and simply that. You are no different than you were yesterday or the day before except for the fact you have a new age. It is how you feel Shawniepants and I know you know that. It is all about the maintenance my dear man.
Look good. Feel good . Kick 40 to the curb.
Happy birthday Hugh Jass.

Sunshine , Lollipoops ...

(With apologies to Leslie Gore )
Sunshine, lollipoops and dog doo,
Everywhere
That smell is what I feel when spring is in the air,
Wiz is brighter than a lucky penny,
When he's near the brown turds disappear, dear,
And I feel so fine just to know that he is mine.
Sunshine, lollipoops and dog doo,
Everywhere
That's wonderful when Wiz can come your way
'Cause you're in poop, you're in poop,
And poop is here to stay!

Fecequality

It seems that Wizard has discovered that his own poo is every bit as delectable as Karma's. I have caught him several times this week with a miniature turd in his mouth instead of his usual poop whopper. Will this never end? Yesterday with all the ice and snow and sub zero weather, he still went out to the potty area sniffing around for a snack. I had cleaned up the day before but it seems Karma had to go in the morning and I had missed the big event. Immediately , I called the little poop eating machine back to the door. Wizard excels at the recall because when he returns, I have a pet store dog treat for him most of the time. Yesterday , I saw his little hairy head lift over the snow bank when I yelled "Wizzy , come." He came a running dragging behind him what I would describe as a poo snow boulder. The biggest one yet. A massive amount of frozen dog stools stuck together with ice and snow. It was more than half the size of his four pound body. He was so quick that he had it in the house and on the mat before you could say sh**.
So today I am thinking .. are we missing something? Not a screw loose , but the fact there might be an entrepreneur in the making here. Perhaps this stuff does taste good. At least to dogs.
Wizard and I could start our own franchise.. Wizard's Whoppers. Of course , Karma would be the silent partner in all of this.
Either that , or I rent the little bastard for cleaning yards in the spring.

Call Me Jack

I am beginning to feel like I am in The Shining. We had another winter storm after midnight last night and woke up to yet another minus 37C morning with 15 -20 more cm of sparkly snow flakes (I like to refer to it as white sh**). Let it be known far and wide (and yes I am feeling wide as I gorge on winter comfort food), that I am not nor have I ever been a winter person. There is no winter holiday planned this year which has added to my restlessness and pina colada urges . I almost bought a SAD ( Seasonal Affective Disorder ) lamp at Sears the other day until I thought what good is the simulated sunlight without an umbrella drink and the ocean. Oh right ... I could get off my wide back porch and make my own drink in the tub but it is just not the same. Besides , how can anything called SAD make me happy. After his early morning constitution, all Wizzy wanted to do was burrow underneath the warm blankets. Karma went belly up, groaned , and fell back to sleep. You know it's cold when the dogs do not care to go out.
I thought we were in global warming. Perhaps not. More like global freezing to death .
Frosty the snowman is nothing but a frozen creep in a top hat and scarf.....and Jack Frost can go lick a metal fence. I am fed up.
Have you ever had a SINGLE MOMENT'S THOUGHT about my responsibilities? Have you ever thought, for a single solitary moment about my responsibilities to my employers?? Has it ever occurred to you that I have agreed to look after the OVERLOOK Hotel until May the FIRST. Does it MATTER TO YOU AT ALL that the OWNERS have placed their COMPLETE CONFIDENCE and TRUST in me, and that I have signed a letter of agreement, a CONTRACT, in which I have accepted that RESPONSIBILITY? Do you have the SLIGHTEST IDEA, what a MORAL AND ETHICAL PRINCIPLE IS, DO YOU? Has it ever occurred to you what would happen to my future, if I were to fail to live up to my responsibilities? Has it ever occurred to you? HAS IT??
....oops , sorry fell asleep for a sec ....

Grandpa Horton Bangs The Bongos For Roll Up The Rim

"Hey out there to the World Wide Webbers , it's Grandpa Horton letting you know that Tim Hortons Roll Up The Rim starts TODAY ! I loooooove to win as much as I like drinking the coffee.
One of our stores won a car last year .....now that was something . There are 35 2009 Toyota Venzas waiting under that cup for 35 lucky customers ...wish it was me ...but it could be YOU !.
Who wouldn't like 100 10,000 cash prizes to ease the recession headaches. This year there are 1,000 Toshiba laptops and 25,000 $100 Tim cards to be had . Plus if you like to eat as much as I do you will love the fact that there are over 31,000,000 food prizes.
For all of you snowbirds in Florida , tough Timmies .. you may have the sun , but we got the COFFEE and the CARS .
Well time to rrrrrrRRRRRRRoll on outta here ...
Regards ,
Grandpa Horton .
p.s. Hit delete if you see Ma . "

Oscar Who? Get Rollin'...

Starts tomorrow. A little pre - exercise warm up to get you in the mood .
http://www.rolluptherimtowin.com

Obamamania

I have it. I have it just like I had Beatlemania in the sixties. I wish I was in Ottawa right now to catch the fever. My television is the closest I can get to the new president. I watched the blue and green presidential plane ( Air Force One ) land on Canadian soil. President Obama descended the steps with his trademark smile. As he greeted the entourage of government dignitaries , I found that I was smiling right along with them. Just like I was really there. He just has that effect on people. I watched the crowds ... student and senior, bundled up children, politicians , a stoic RCMP with a glimpse of a grin. We were all smiling.
You can't help but catch the air of positivity that follows this man. He has been called the "rock star" president. I am sure his daughters laugh over that one.
It may have been a typical windy cold day in Ottawa but you could feel the warmth of hospitality everywhere. The handshake of two nations looking to the future with hope.
P.S. Malia and Sasha ..Daddy bought Canadian cookies st the Ottawa market for you .
"Obladi , oblada....happy ever after in the marketplace ."

Just A Dog

(For all of you who love dogs as much as I do .)

If you, too, think it's "just a dog," then you will probably understand phases like "just a friend," "just a sunrise," or "just a promise."

"Just a dog" brings into my life the very essence of friendship, trust, and pure unbridled joy.

"Just a dog" brings out the compassion and patience that makes me a better person.

Because of "just a dog" I will rise early, take long walks and look longingly to the future.

So for me, and folks like me, it's not "just a dog" but an embodiment of all the hopes and dreams of the future, the fond memories of the past and the pure joy of the moment.

"Just a dog" brings out what's good in me and diverts my thoughts away from myself and the worries of the day.

I hope that someday they can understand that it's not "just a dog" but the thing that gives me humanity and keeps me from being "just a human."

So the next time you hear the phrase "just a dog." just smile....because they "just don't understand."

- Anonymous

Have A Sweet Day

My Sunshine Boy

The Wiz is sick. I hear your thoughts .."is it any wonder with all those poop sandwiches .." . Let me state that the Wizard is on a high quality food and has been since day 1. I believe his little body was not missing any needed nutrients that drove him to decide one day that the snacks outside were better than the food inside. This morning I knew that something was just not right with him. Usually full of fun , Wiz seemed legarthic . His gumline looked whitish and not the usual healthy pink. He was vomiting long strings of foamy bile and eventually ended up with the runs. I called the vet and we were in the office by 10 a.m. With small dogs , time is important as they they can deteriorate quite quickly. His temperature was normal ( good sign). I agreed to blood work just to be on the safe side. By noon hour , the vet called to say his white blood count was low which made it harder for him to fight infection. Wiz returned to the clinic where he given an injection to build up his little system. His food was changed to a more platable diet for sensitive stomachs , diarrhea and vomiting meds, plus a suppmement called "Forbid" to put on Karma's dog food to make her feces taste less appealing to Wiz. ( who knew ? )
My little buddy napped in a sunbeam most of the day, happy just to be back in familar surroundings.
In four days he should be his old self again. Although this little guy is a ton of work, as he lay on my lap this afternoon, I thought of how he managed to find his place in the world with his loving nature and fun personality. Like so many pets before him , he is laying the foundation for a legacy of love ( and vet bills.)
He is my little sunshine boy.

The Race Is On

( With apologies to George Jones )

Now the race is on and here comes Wizzy up the back yard
Ma's shovel is a-going to the snow side
My boots are holding back trying not too fall
Ma cartwheels out of the running
New poo is snatched for another mutt
The race is on
And it looks like Ma got the sore butt
And the Wizard takes it all.

The Poop Placebo

If nicorette can work for nicotine addiction, I am hoping that Mr. Poops can satisfy the little guy's coprophilia, which is the technical word for poop eating canines.
The poop placebo looks like poop. It is shaped like poop. However, it smells like plastic and we all know that a dog's number one sense is smell.
Can Wizzy be fooled ?
A poo by any other name would smell as sweet.

Bad Dream

I have been dreamless for months. Last night, I had a vivid and bad nightmare. I remember wanting to wake up from it but could not detach myself from the scenes playing out in my subconscious. My recollection this morning goes somewhat like this :
I was in a resort of some kind, sitting at a table with persons unknown. I seemed to know one girl and we chatted a bit. The world outside the resort was dark and we were told by a waiter not to venture out as there was a revolt of some kind amongst the people and they were not liking the fact that we were here. The girl and I did not like to be told we could not go out. She said she was leaving for the outside anyways. She wore a brightly colored scarf around her neck and left me smiling and laughing. I saw her walking on the roads outside which were more muddy gutters than roads. Her scarf was the only thing shimmering in the dark, muddy night as she walked into the bleak and empty horizon.
Scene switches to a door and I hear a knock on that door . I open it and on the outside door knob is her colorful scarf. A sinister looking man had left it and I asked where she was. He was going to reply but stopped as he turned to face me. He was tall and thin, said nothing, just looked at me and with a half smile. He turned and walked down the hallway.
The law authorities were to the right of me. They said he will not admit to anything because she was found raped and murdered in the mud.
That is where the dream ends.
It was not a nice dream to think about this morning. It has been said that some dreams that are vivid may have some psychological significance in your life.
Either that , or ... I have been watching way too many C.S.I. reruns.

For The Three Snoots

You know who you are and I am so blessed to know who you are as well.
Love & prayers,
Ma ( Snoot in Training )

] Time In A Bottle If I could save Time in a bottle The first thing that I'd like to do Is to save every day Till Eternity passes away Just to spend them with you If I could make days last forever If words could make wishes come true I'd save every day like a treasure and then, Again, I would spend them with you But there never seems to be enough time To do the things you want to do Once you find them I've looked around enough to know That you're the one I want to go Through time with If I had a box just for wishes And dreams that had never come true The box would be empty Except for the memory Of how they were answered by you But there never seems to be enough time To do the things you want to do Once you find them I've looked around enough to know That you're the one I want to go Through time with. Jim Croce

Take Out

Take out is not in the context of coffee or donuts. I am referring to "take out" turds or should I say "take in"turds.
Wizzy has decided that the weather is just too cold to eat outside. After visiting his favorite poopsicle spot this morning, my little darling came running back as fast as his little legs could bring him. Once inside, he dropped his little treasure on the mat, a piece of frozen Karma poo, and looked at me like the prince of poopland. I must say his speed of service was commendable. If half my staff ordered up as quickly as this little guy we would have the number one drive thru in the country. Plus he has the personality to match. He sits politely leaving you the order you never wanted with bright eyes and a doggie grin. The thought crossed my mind to tip him a toonie. I have been out as much as three times a day lately scooping as fast as Karma is pooping. Since Yorkshire terriers were originally bred to catch rats in burrows, I somehow think that Wizard's genetics might be kicking in to dig for smelly rat like turds. Hence the term "rat dawg".
So if you're in the mood for a poop sandwich one night , call up 1-705-WIZ-TURD.
Free delivery .

School Daze

"School days , dear old golden rule days . Reading and 'riting and 'rithmetic taught to the tune of a hickory stick ."

Can you find Maldo ?

A Little Whine

Time for a little whine. Call up the Tabernacle Choir and Meet The Fockers , which is my way of being polite describing the cramp in my right foot. This cramp comes and goes which is one of the reasons I saw the podiatrist a few years back and he suggested using crocs as slippers since I am sans arch. Today at the mall, I felt like a wounded soldier limping back from the battlegrounds. The pain is excruciating. I sat in the truck for a while, took off my boot , and massaged and bent my toes and foot in a fruitless attempt to alleviate the problem. This is one of the reasons I am always kind to my feet and buy comfy footwear. If anything I have learned through the years is that you cannot be cheap with your feet. Been there , done that and I have suffered for it. Traipsing around in heels with bandages is not a sexy sight. It has been three hours now and my right foot still hurts.
That's it. Time for a little wine to kill the pain.

Monday Morning Chuckle

With thanks to my sister !


LAUGH OF THE DAY .....


You are on the bus when you suddenly realize ... You need to fart. The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat. After a couple of songs, you start to feel better. You approach your stop. As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring at you, and that's when you realize, you have been listening to your ipod................

Feces Felon

The Wizard of Paws (otherwise known as Wizard, the Wiz, Wizzy, Wizzypoopoo or My Wet Little Penis Boy ) is wanted very much for the foul mouthed act of a feces felony. His is described as wearing a black and tan coat with beady little brown eyes. Suspect was last seen in the vicinity of the backyard with his nose to the snow.
It is believed his accomplice providing the contraband is a meek and mild shepherd of German descent. Approach with caution as the little guy has been known to steal your heart .

44 Presidents

At Last .

The Day The Sky Changed

Today the United States of America welcomed its 44th president , Barack Hussein Obama. I watched on television like most of the world marveling at this new day and era in history. I listened to the inauguration speech and watched as he took the oath of office. Abraham Lincoln would have been proud to witness true equality in the highest office of the land. Martin Luther King would have seen his dream finally come true .The president will have struggles and challenges and I, like millions of others , pray for his personal safety to carry out his legacy. Today is a day of ritual, parades, banquets and balls .
Tomorrow the real work begins.
This morning I saw a winter rainbow . That is always a sign of hope . Today the sky changed .

The Poop Chronicles Continued

Wizard and I are still in competition. He runs out as fast as his little legs will carry him to the potty area and I am after him with the pooper scooping shovel. I have cayenned peppered Karma's turds in the hopes that Wizzy will leave this fetish alone. Seems he likes spicy food. I am sure my neighbors think I am off the proverbial rocker as I pepper the poop with all the fanaticism of Rachael Ray at a dung festival. The only solution is a quick picker upper. Karma is not impressed with the little shadow between her legs as she goes for her bathroom breaks. Wizzy has taken to standing right beneath her, facing her back legs waiting for the offering to the gods. He is still under Karma when she is in her squat position. Sometimes , he even barks demanding her to hurry up.
I am really hoping Wiz outgrows this newly formed habit of his. I know it is disgusting and funny at the same time. My greatest fear is that he will come in one day soaked in dog urine.
If he likes that too, he is in a piss pot of trouble.

Words of Warmth on a Wintry Day

Although these thoughts were not written by yours truly , the words echoed true and warmed my soul today. I hope it does the same for you .


1. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
3. Sleep for 7 hours.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
5. Play more games.
6. Read more books than you did the previous year.
7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
9. Dream more while you are awake.
10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
11. Drink plenty of water.
12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
13. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
14. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
15. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
16. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
17. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
18. Smile and laugh more.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Don't compare your partner with others.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
25. Forgive everyone for everything.
26. What other people think of you is none of your business.
27. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
28. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
29. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
30. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
31. The best is yet to come.
32. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
33. Do the right thing!
34. Call your family often.
35. Your inner most is always happy. So be happy.
36. Each day give something good to others.
37. Don't over do. Keep your limits.

9:OO A.M.

...and it is minus 35 C .

Reflections

God's toothpicks.
Lone surfer.
Waiting for the Master .
Return from the sea.
Seascape.
I thought of the west today . The mountains and the ocean remain steadfast within my thoughts. I looked back at some of the photos I had taken and they took on new meaning. The reflections of memories and moments captured in the shutter of my camera. The stark beauty of the day at the Pacific Rim is etched in mind and frame. It was not the warm stream of the Gulf but the cold reality of the northern waters of the Pacific Ocean. The mountains lost in the mist surrounded the driftwood tossed on the sand like divine toothpicks.
We walked the beach that day each of us in private thought. Surfers braved the mighty waves while their dogs waited in anticipation of their return. I remember the wind and the water being cold.
I looked back today and saw the beauty, the power, the infinity and the loneliness of that day.
I plan to frame these photos in my human attempt to capture time.

The January Jiggles

I did it. I followed through. I got on my treadmill this morning. I was determined that this would be the morning I started taking care of the doughnut ring around my middle. I got out my exercise shorts and laced up the Nikes. With Wizzy biting at my laces, I found the workout music that would put me in the zone for zooming. A few phone calls set me back time wise. I put Wiz in the kennel with a chew. The treadmill was dusty but after the cobwebs were cleaned and the clothes removed from the handlebars , I finally stood on the machine itself. It had been awhile. With all my breathing problems, I had not used it in over a year. I forgot how to start it. After that problem was resolved, Gretchen and I sang to Redneck Woman. Before we hit the last verse , the batteries went dead in the CD player. I came back up and changed them and went back down to start over. I was half way through when I realized I had forgotten to bring some water. Back upstairs for that. I figured going up and down the staircase has to at least count for a warm up. I am proud to say that I did finally finish the first day of my morning cardio.
I had a healthy breakfast full of fibre then I went outside to pick up cayenne peppered poo ( see post below.)
Day 1. Hopefully by June, the jig will be up on the January jiggles.

Chocapoopoo

That cute little hairy face in the post below has discovered the delicacy of feces eating. It started about two weeks ago. Wizard was outside for a bathroom break. He loves to lift his leg in the white snow and watch how it changes colors and catches the light. It has been so cold that he is never out for longer than 5 minutes. Usually when he is called, he comes a-running like a bat out of hell in anticipation of his " I did my pee outside treat". This one day , I called and he nonchalantly glanced my way and continued to dig at his buried treasure. I went out to see what was drawing his attention and there he was , my little sweetheart, his head in a pile of frozen turd. It was not his own. It was Karma's pile. Large and quite frozen. I grabbed the little sh** , and with a stern voice gave the "No " word. I wanted Wizzy to know that this was indeed a definite bad thing to do and that good little doggies do not eat poop. At least he was discriminatory and did not eat his own poo. I try to pick up every day so that Wizzy never gets the chance to find and do the taste test on any more fudgicles. One afternoon the dogs ran out together. Karma running to her spot near the tree with Wiz running frantically behind her barking away at her heels. Wait for me. Karma ran back and forth , did the circle dance , and then I saw her humping her back getting ready to dump the load. Horror of horrors . Underneath her curved up tail , was a little gleeful face waiting and ready to grab a chunk of always fresh.
I ran out ....."NOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooo."
Both dogs looked at me like I had lost my mind. Inside they went and outside I went with my shovel.
It is going be a long winter. I am determined to win the poop Olympics.

Howliday Fashions

" Ma said they sold outta Santa so I had to take second base in elfin green ...."
"All decked out for the dance ."
"Champagne anyone?"
I will be the first to admit that dogs in clothes really use to irritate me. I mean the good Lord gave them a fur coat for a reason, right ? Then Wiz came along and changed my entire way of thinking about doggie fashion. My first purchase was that T shirt that read "bad to the bone". Like all kids , he has long out grown that one. As the weather got colder, his wardrobe increased. Little red plaid woolies and blue suede jackets now adorn his 4 pound body when he ventures out into the great outdoors. I never thought I would ever be a dog dressing Mama. When I hold Wiz in public I always feel the need to say that I have a 70 pound German shepherd home at home. Guess it makes me feel like a real woman. The groomer explained that having warm outfits for Wizzy that protected his heart and lungs from the cold was a health issue and not just a fashion one. Yorkshire terriers do not have fur but hair so which makes the little guys more susceptible to temperatures below zero. I have to admit Wiz loves the great outdoors whether he is out naked or not.
So there you have it . I have become a dog dresser. And I love it .
We did the holiday in elfin green and the New Year was black tie.
I am eyeing the black Harley T for the spring.
Byte me .

Vita Nova

"Vita Nova " is Latin for " new life " or "new beginnings". Nothing says new beginning like a new born baby. This is a sneak peak of baby Merrick that I managed to photograph despite the parental protests of no paparazzi. He is a beautiful boy and the pride and joy of his family. Thinking of babies , it will not be long before our own Ms. T. will be cradling her own bundle of joy. Bringing new life into this world is an immense responsibility as well as an infinite labor of love . This is also a time when people think of resolutions for a "vita nova". I have never been one to make resolutions but this year I have decided that at least one is long overdue .
It is actually the same as Oprah's resolution . It is not about weight .
It is about love .
To love myself enough in order to take better care of myself. To put myself on the list of people I love. I have always thought that was such a vain and selfish thing. Now I know better .
I might pedicure my feet more , manicure my hands more , buy something frivolous just because I want too, travel more, read more, rest more, bike more, walk more , talk more , laugh more ... and most importantly ,
live more.
It is 2009. Time passes and waits for no man ..or woman.
It is about balance . It is about time .

A Toast To 2009

The Second Breakdown

The second breakdown was a direct result of the first. Again , it involved my older daughter. A few days before , Dawn had mentioned Christmas stockings. I said I just can't do stockings without Natalie here this year. I should have mentioned that fact earlier as she walked in Christmas morning with a bag of goodies. Just before we sat down, my eldest made her signature Christmas morning coffee laced with orange liquor and orange garnish. Being that I had just laced myself with orange juice a mere hour before that made the coffee drink all that more poignant.
As I began to open the stocking bag, I heard my own voice crack up "I never got you a stocking. I am such a bad mother ..". It did not matter to my daughter one way or the other but I felt it was an issue worth crying over and I did. I blubbered throughout most of the stocking stuff. My saving grace was the waterproof mascara. To make matters worse inside the stocking was an orange chocolate, orange bubble bath, orange lip gloss, etc etc . That set me off again. I was in my own personal citrus hell.
As the gifts unwrapped and the dinner came to a close , I finally felt more relaxed. The wine helped me reach that mellow yellow stage.
Screw Oprah. Screw Martha Stewart. It was over.
Until ...
Just before my daughter's boyfriend left the house he said these parting words ,
"Orange you glad we're leaving .."

Ma's Christmas Morning Meltdown

I lost it at approximately 10:15 Christmas morning Eastern Standard Time. I lost it and I blame Oprah for it. Let me backtrack. I like to be organized , and I was. The house looked festive. The gifts were all bought and wrapped. All the extra food necessities were in the cupboard. I had printed off the cornbread, vegetarian stuffing recipe for Dawn recommended by Oprah instead of the sausage stuffing. The bird had been defrosting for 2 days in the refrigerator downstairs as per the health guidelines. The turnip and potatoes were prechopped in cold water the day before. I had made my list and checked it twice. All was well.
I woke up rested and ready for Christmas Day feeling prepared for the annual holiday dinner. There would be no nuking today. I relaxed , had my coffee, and fed the dogs. I was ready for Oprah's recipe. It was fairly simple to do, a little chopping, and it would be in the oven for 45 min at 350 in plenty of time for the turkey around 11am . Let the games begin. Rereading the recipe , I noted the ingredients were maxed on the plus side. Getting my chopper out , I thought to myself no wonder Oprah is gaining weight. Two minutes into the chopping , the chopper broke. Not a problem . Get the knife out. I had plenty of time. Chop.Chop.Chop. Lots of carrots in this stuffing. Chop. Chop. Wizzy was barking for a treat so I threw him a teeny piece of carrot . Healthy for growing puppies. Chop.Chop. Next came the celery. Stalks up. There were plenty of those too. Wish the chopper had not broken . Chop. Chop. Onions. Sliced . I should have halved this recipe. Watching the clock. Continued chopping and slicing. Wine ? I needed a cup of white wine. Found the bottle . Got out the wine opening gadget . Threw Wiz another a piece of carrot. Opened the bottle . Measured and poured . Resisted the wine taste temptation. Wizzy barking . Threw the little bastard a carrot. Got out my pan to saute the veggies. Turned the stove on. Added my ingredients. The pan was too small and ended up in the sink . Found a larger pan. Barking. Threw some carrots on the floor . Sauted the rest . Four cups of broth ? In the cupboard. Checking the time, I knew I needed this stuffing in the oven pronto. Hurry it up. Spice it up. Read , read. Chop, chop, saute and bark. Wizzy shutup .
I needed a cup of orange juice . How will all this liquid ever absorb? Oprah must have drank that bottle of wine . I debated that same thought. Pushing Wiz off my slipper, I reached for the orange juice . That is when it happened. In slow movie motion the box of Tropicana fell over. It poured onto the glass shelving. The orange juice flooded the food below like orange lava.
And it fell over me ...over my hair, my new gray , satin , la Senza jammies , down my top , in my pants , my slippers, onto Wizzy and the clean Christmas floor.
The phone rang . It was N@. "Merry Christmas Mama !" .
That is precisely when I lost it. I cried . I laughed . I cried again. Uncontrollably. I was juiced, sticky from head to toe. Between sobs, I explained. N@ kindly understood the stuffing saga and agreed to call later on that night.
Things did eventually right themselves . After all, it was the happiest time of the year. The kitchen got cleaned up . The stuffing for 50 servings and the turkey made it into the oven in time for Christmas dinner.
I showered ....and no one even knew about the acid rash on my chest.
The lesson learned: Be prepared for the unexpected and most importantly , what I know for sure ... always opt to drink the wine.

My Christmas Wish List

Two of my very favorite Christmas Wishes .

Each of us has a list . For some the list is long , lengthy and often expensive . For others , it is simply a warm place to sleep and a hearty meal . When my daughters were young , their Santa lists consisted of easy bake ovens and cabbage patch dolls. As parents , we always did our best to make their dreams come true. Late night wrappings and baking frenzies took up a lot of my time as a young mother. I was always lucky that every year, I had my children safe beside me. This is the first year that one of my daughters will not be home for the holidays. I am not sad although I will miss her presence and her ability to make me laugh against all odds . I am not sad for many reasons . My sister has a son in Korea who will not make it home for not one but two Christmases. They plan to use skype to stay connected over the holidays . There are other families whose children are stationed far away in war torn lands with no connection at all. Still others have someone in a hospital that they visit though the parent cannot connect to who they are. There are those who only have a picture to remind them that someone once sat in that empty chair . That is why I am not sad . There are so many families who through no wishes of their own cannot spend the holiday together.
I am very blessed.
When I think of my list, I think of things I cannot touch. Things like love , health, hope and peace.
Today, you may read the words on this page , but more than that , my Christmas wish is that you feel the words.
Merry Christmas to You and Yours ,
Love ,
Ma

Bing Crosby - I'll Be Home For Christmas

This Christmas song takes on special meaning , as we watch the many news reports of weary travelers looking for any means possible to beat the cold and wintry weather to be home for the holidays. Looking exhausted after many flight delays , a young man lifted his luggage and muttered one word "Home ."

One For The Dogs

Snow Fetish

There are those of us who are upfront and honest about their snow fetishes . There are others who continue to deny that shoveling snow has always been one of their hidden passions .
I heard that Montreal is in snow dumping as I type this . The falling white stuff continues to mesmerize one certain someone who is at this moment licking the flakes off her patio door with her two chihuahuas.I only have one thing to say to you ..
"Let it snow . Let it snow . Let it snow !"

Gene Autry - Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

We love the concept of reindeer pulling Santa's sleigh . The story of Rudolph leading the way despite his disability proved that no matter what others thought , you could end up a leader in life . In reality , most red noses during the holidays are directly related to hangovers.

Jimmy Boyd - I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

When my Dad would play this old Christmas song , we would laugh and snicker but never quite understood it until we got a little older. We all knew what mistetoe was but I mean , how could our Mommy kiss Santa Claus ?

Dedicated to My Friends Shawn and Didier

Tis the night before Christmas and all through the town,
every shelter is full - we are lost but not found,
Our numbers are hung on our kennels so bare,
we hope every minute that someone will care,
They'll come to adopt us and give us the call,
"Come here, Max and Sparkie - come fetch your new ball!!
But now we sit here and think of the days
we were treated so fondly - we had cute, baby ways.
Once we were little, then we grew and we grew,
now we're no longer young and we're no longer new.

So out the back door we were thrown like the trash,
they reacted so quickly - why were they so rash?
We "jump on the children:, "don't come when they call",
we "bark when they leave us", "climb over the wall."
We should have been neutered, we should have been spayed,
now we suffer the consequence of the errors THEY made.
If only they'd trained us, if only we knew,
we'd have done what they asked us and worshiped them, too.
We were left in the backyard, or worse - left to roam,
now we're tired and lonely and out of a home.
They dropped us off here and they kissed us good-bye,
"Maybe someone else will give you a try."

So now here we are, all confused and alone,
in a shelter with others who long for a home.
The kind workers come through with a meal and a pat,
with so many to care for, they can't stay to chat,
They move to the next kennel, giving each of us cheer,
we know that they wonder how long we'll be here.
We lay down to sleep and sweet dreams fill our heads,
of a home filled with love and our own cozy beds.
Then we wake to see sad eyes, brimming with tears,
our friends filled with emptiness, worry, and fear.

If you can't adopt us and there's no room at the Inn ,
could you help with the bills and fill our food bin?
We count on your kindness each day of the year,
can you give more than hope to everyone here?
Please make a donation to pay for the heat
and help get us something special to eat.
The shelter that cares for us wants us to live,
and more of us will, if more people will give.

___________________________________

Please, even if you can't adopt a kitty, cat, dog or pup from a shelter, TRY to bring something to make their holidays a little more special. They are there all alone, probably in the cold. Bring some old dog food or cat food, or an old leash from one of your dogs. Make their day a lil' extra special. They deserve it!

__________________

Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree - Brenda Lee

As a teenager, this was the song we danced too around the Christmas tree. I was on my itunes the other day and noted that Brenda Lee's song is still played by a new generation of holiday downloaders . Of course , it could be the baby boomers still rockin' after all these years .

Gene Autry - Frosty the Snowman

When we were kids we never had much of a radio. One old record I recall my Dad putting on for us was this cowboy singing about that snowman that could walk and sing . My brothers , sister and I would all dance around the house just like Frosty.
Still a classic after all these years .

Bing Crosby-I'm Dreaming Of A White Christmas

My Dad loves to sit with his walkman , relax on his lazyboy , and listen to some Christmas music . He has always loved Bing Crosby and this song in particular .
I am gonna play DJ for a day and dedicate this number to my Dad .

..and don't worry Dad , our Christmas will most definitely be white .

Merrick Alexander

... came into the world this morning at 7 pounds , 5 ounces . The new and only grandson of my best friend. She has not one but three grand daughters so this little fellow will have to find his place amongst the alpha females .
N.B. Looks like he might have red hair !

How Ma Crashed A Toddler Christmas Concert

Toddlers a toddling ..
Proud Daddy and his girl .

My best friend's grandaughter was in her first Christmas concert on Saturday. I was invited to attend and take a few pictures of the prestigious event. It seemed like yesterday my own kids were singing Christmas carols and reciting poems. The concert was held at the Y.M.C.A. building and by the time I arrived ,there was not a parking spot to be seen. Every proud parent and their relatives had been there earlier than I. No need to rush. I knew I had a seat saved for me. I turned around up the street and came back again and lo and behold I found a parking space. I pulled up in front of a driveway and put my vehicle into reverse. Checked my mirrors , looked back , and proceeded to back into the space beyond the driveway. Crunchy crunchy bang bang. What the fa la la was that? I got out of my truck and what to my wondering eyes should appear but a little beige Jeep and a very irate ( but later quite nice) black man.The headlight on his Jeep was broken .The irate, but later quite nice black man , bellowed at me "I was honking . I was honking" . I quite calmly replied "I am deaf, and you can't just honk and move behind a moving vehicle just because you want to use the driveway to turn around .. "Later on he admitted he was late and thought I was already parked. We exchanged numbers and names and walked into the concert together. No one was hurt except for a little injured pride on both sides. As we went to our seats, you could almost here the whisper * the accident people *.
The law says I am at fault for backing up even though he cut me off from behind. Rightfully so.
Good news is the Ho Ho Hoe was not damaged ( I was going very slow ..)
The kids were excited and happy. The grand daughter was cute. The parents were proud. The lunch was yummy. Santa & Mrs Claus gave out presents.
... and that is how I crashed the toddler Christmas concert.
The crunchy crunchy bang bang .

Go Fa La La Yourself

The Sears Spring & Summer catalogue came today in the mail . Will you please let me get through the jolliest time of the year before you do this to me ? I and the rest of the consumer world have been jingling our bells at both ends. All we need to see is your new bathing suit line when we are digging out from 25cm of the white stuff. Hola . You can't shovel in strappy sandals and a parka .
I am putting this reading material away at least until mid-June when hopefully, but not necessarily, we get some summer buying clothes weather .
Oh yeah , right ..... the Christmas Wishbook comes out then .
Fa la la yourself .

For All The Folks At Home

Grandpa Horton is thrilled to get Don's debut CD autographed by the man himself .
Saturday Night Party Girls
The Sons of Maxwell , Don & Dave Carroll
Don , the romantic brother ,who has always loved the music of the swing era .
Dave , who will be a new Dad , is well deserving of the the many accolades for his beautiful song "Now."

Martha , Don , & Dad ...all share beautiful smiles .
Don autographs his solo CD for Ma while Don is wondering where his CD is ....

For the tenth December, The Sons of Maxwell , Don & Dave , traveled back to their hometown of Timmins through a winter storm to perform the first of their holiday concerts for all the folks at home. Bundled up for the cold , we anxiously awaited the music that would warm our hearts for the Christmas season. The boys did not disappoint. From the moment they stepped on the stage to their final standing ovation, it was obvious audience and entertainers alike had connected in a very special way. Their style of music is as individual as the brothers themselves. Together , they can harmonize beautifully to the traditional songs of Christmas as well as their own trademark folksy music. Individually , both brothers have come out with solo CDs showcasing their unique styles of song. Don is the crooner type of guy whose new CD aptly titled "Valentine Delivered" is a collection of swing sounds that appeal to young and old alike. My father is a big fan of Don and his Fabulous Little Swing Band Show. Dave's debut CD Perfect Blue has won several awards this year and if you have not heard the inspirational song "Now " you are truly missing out in a gift to the soul. Their versatility in song choice ranged from the Beatles to Johnny Cash to Christmas in Killarney. In between the singing and the smiles, we were treated to a little brotherly camaraderie as Don & Dave kidded each other on their respective CDs. We had such a fun time. Afterwards , Ma's joyous group celebrated with a little wine , snacks, and autograph signing @ Caseys.
I want to mention the powerhouse behind the boys is their mother , Sharon , who works endless hours of love and devotion to organize this hometown concert every year.
For the Sons of Maxwell , thank you once again for lifting your voices and our spirits right into the Christmas season .
For Don & Dave ,
You Belong to Me , I Promise to Pursue . Now .and I will Go Tell It On The Mountain to everyone ( including Oprah ) .
Love , Ma & Family
http://sonsofmaxwell.com/

Dashing Through The Snow

This is one of the many reasons I love dogs . The pure and infinite delight in the moment . A lesson so many of us need to learn as we hurry through our days missing out in the simple joys of life .

Angels With Snowy Faces

Wiz runs with the big dogs and proves that 4 pounds of feisty terrier is not a snow wimp ... so far.