Monday Reinactment

Ma : " Karmaaaaaa...... ..time for doggy class . "
Karma : " ..drat ..that woman ..... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. "

Stop Eating Poop

..and we have a winner ! Our own loveable CQ has won an all sexpenses paid trip with NGB to the carribbean ( ..so think positive ) . S.E.P. stands for STOP EATING POOP . I did not even know what that product was until yesterday and let me say upfront that it is not my sweet Karma who is doing the nasty but her- poo breathed brother True ( that's true ) .You could say he likes to clean up after himself . My daughter sprinkles S.E.P. , a holistic supplement on his food , in hopes that it will cure him of his outside eating habits . Sweet little Karma in all her innocence , has more of a tasteful preference for feline chocolates to her own .

Clue # 1

S.E.P. is doggy related . See post below if you dont get this ...and where are my lurkers ??

S.E.P.

This is a test . Who of you out there knows what those initials stand for ? Winner wins an all sexpenses paid trip to the DR ( stands for what ? ) with NGB ( stands for what ? ) .
M.H.
PS. RSVP ASAP

49er

Happy Belated Birthday to my Bobbycakes ! May you have a happy and successful year before you hit the home . Because I think you are sweeter than sponge candy , I have taken the liberty of sending a picture of you in your birthday suit , slightly air brushed , to the pro -aging Dove campaign for males in media .
49 candles and counting ....

Nasty Black Cocker

Now that I have your attention , I do not mean a late night movie . I am referring to the nasty black cocker spaniel that Karma and I followed during dog obedience tonight. The little instigator was constantly turning around and snarling at us . Karma is very laid back for a shepherd although I showed my teeth a couple of times to the little floppy eared monster . The owner of said nasty cocker decided to move to another area instead of doing a correction to the mutt making it seem like we had bad doggy odour . Aside from that , it was our lucky night as there were plenty of down commands and Karma just loves to lay down and catch a few winks . She is fast asleep now in doggy dreamland as I type this . I really have nothing against spaniels . I have known some really nice ones . If I had a cocker I would probably call it Joe ... Joe Cocker . .. Bonus . Nobody had to poop and scoop tonight .

These Crocs Are Made For Walking

..and that's just what they'll do . So if you actually READ my posts instead of just looking at the pictures , you will recall my take on Elton's Crocodile Rock song .The local foot doctor suggested I buy myself some crocs and use them as slippers because apparently , unlike the rest of me , my feet are flat and sans a proper arch . Although I feel like I have Daisy Duck feet , I have to tell you that these things are fugly but awesome . There were tons of colours but I bought the ones that matched my skin tone ..kind of a bronzed Barbie Big foot . They look heavy but are lightweight and they don't slip on hardwood . I LOVE my crocs ..are you ready crocs ? Start walkin'......

Having a Sit Fit

Monday night we had doggy class again . After the initial tail wagging was over with , we got on the runway and strutted our stuff. This time we were behind the St . Bernard's butt . I couldn't help but notice that his owner and him had a few similiarites . The man had a broad face , a wide butt , and big paws ...I mean hands . This might give credence to the theory that pets end up resembling their owners . Another lady waddled just like her black lab and the terrier owner had spikey hair . Maybe there is something to this . Sometimes I do wear black and tan and I like my belly rubbed when I have hives . As we continued through our paces , Karma got her usual "let's have a little nap thing" going again. I looked at how she was sitting , then I looked at how all the other dogs were sitting . She has this habit of sitting on her hind end with her back legs spread . Could this be it ? Am I unconsiously giving her some bad example on how to sit like a proper lady ? When we got home I looked in the mirror and just for a second I thought my ears were beginning to stand up . For the rest of the week we will practise our sits with our legs crossed .

Getting Lei..ed

The names and faces have been changed to protect the innocent and aged who are now under the B.P.P. ( Birthday Protection Program ) . Let it be known that Cherylitta Snodgrass recently hulaed her way through a milestone birthday . At the weekend luau , the birthday girl was waikiking her back porch off to the tune of Tiny Bubbles . Cherylitta was last seen with a wolf like dog hanging from her hula honkers . If you have seen this wanton woman, keep it to yourself or dial Don Ho for assistance.
She was last seen shaking her booty and singing..." Hau'oli La Hanau to me ".


...I am so bad sometimes .

* You Must Have Been a Beautiful Baby *

..cause baby , look at you now . My german hausfraus is growing fast . At obedience class last night my little lazy bones wanted to have a nap twice instead of sitting and heeling ....why train without treats when you can be snoozin', right ? True , always the big brother , whines for his sister and looks back to see if she is behaving like a lady . When my daughter and I enter the hall , we must act like strangers and keep the dogs apart because they we would turn it into one big bow wow play party . Karma and I follow a Great Dane's behind which makes us both feel like we are Lilliputians . Everything smelled fine until the Basset decided to do his business on the doggie runway . Even Karma wanted a gas mask .
*..you must have been a beautiful child , you must have drove the other dogs wild , cause baby , look at you now .*

Monday Monday

That was one of my favourite Mamas and Papas songs of the sixties . Now only Michelle Phillips is left from the original group with the passing of Denny Doherty . All those songs take me back to a simpler more innocent time in my life . Who could forget *words of love so soft and tender * , *dream a little dream of me *, *dedicated to the one I love * or the paraody of themselves *creeque alley * ....The time I grew up in was a unique musical era of the Beatles and the Rolling Stones , Sonny and Cher , Simon and Garfunkel , and Mama Cass Elliot , whose voice was the cornerstone of that band . Denny was a guy from the Martimes who became a part of one of America's greatest folk rock bands of that generation . I have their greatest hits cd and can go California Dreaming anytime I want . Music is forever .

Chicken Soup Plzzzzzzzz

I do not do sick well . I cannot lie in bed all day drowning in my sorrows . Besides , I have my Karma responsiblity now which gets me up and about whether I want to or not . Of course I have logged onto my own site for a little online sympathy ...plus the fact I am bored silly , which is up a few degrees from my normal silly. I will not go into my symptons except to say I am feeling crappy with the emphasis on the first 4 letters . I did walk the dog this morning and wondered why there is no patent for a personal porta potty for dog walking sickos like me . Maybe something like a discreet umbrella like thing that whooshes up and lets you do your business while still maintaining your modesty .Heated would be nice .Something like an ice hut but for the immodium challenged .I am resting , drinking my fluids , keeping warm in Karma's fur and watching The View gossip ladies . I would still take Rosie over The Donald any day. Today they were discussing the way some of the hopeful kids were treated on last night's American Idol and I must agree that the show has resorted to some low levels when they diss some of these kids. I wonder why they pick the worst instead of the moderately good for these audition shows ..oh right ..ratings . To me when I see the judges ridicule of young people it just makes them look like shallow excuses for human beings . Although William Hung did not seem to mind the adverse publicity .Well ,enough of my senseless ramblings and if you are reading this you have the time to post me a get well note . Excuuuuuse me but I have to runnnnnnnnnnnnn............

Old Cranky Ass

Monday my cat Redford went to the animal hospital for what is termed a senior citizen check up . Like most pets, this is not one of his favourite places to spend the day . After all this is the place that had declawed and deballed him as a kitten. When he goes , it is a major undercover operation . We never mention the word *vet * or act like scooping out his poop and bagging it is anything out of the ordinary . I learned years ago to keep his kennel out of sight or he will vanish quicker than you can say Garfield. One time , I had to actually call and cancel his appointment because he was no where to be found . To this day I still could not tell you where his hiding place was . I can still hear the snickering of the staff when they knew Redford had once again pulled off the hide and seek game and I was the loser . Having lost this game several times, I have resorted to some underhanded trickery of my own . I throw a few treats into a bathroom and when he goes for them I lock him in , and then and only then , do I get his kennel . When I am ready , I put him inside as fast as I can while he meows profanities and gives me dirty looks . Once we are are in the building , he knows I have won this round and he turns his back to everybody but just before he does I get one last look of disdain and then I leave him in their capable hands. Redford is one tough cat cookie . He has lorded over not one but two german shepherds . Later that day I returned for my sweet orange boy . When the vet entered the waiting room I asked him " so how is old cranky ass today ?" .. and he replied " well , I am just fine and yourself ? " At that moment I think my face was redder than Redford . We made it safely home without any spraying in the car . Redford surveyed his kingdom and demanded a Fancy Feast for all that he had endured . The kennel was hidden for another year and as for old cranky ass ..he is in tip top shape for an old guy . All he needed was his anal glands emptied .( Redford not the vet . )

Crocodile Rock

I remember when my feet were young
Me and my toes had so much fun
Painting nails and stepping stones
Now the foot doctor says I need an arch of my own
But the biggest kick I ever got
Was when he said go out and buy some crocs
Now I won't be flat on my feet no more
Hopping and a bopping ,my feet aren't sore
You may think my crocs are rocking
But the bill I paid was way more shocking.
Learning fast as I paid the fee
Walking barefoot is money free .

Woofercize

Karma and True went to obedience class on Monday night . They have been upgraded already from puppy class to novice as they know most of the doggy basics -sit ,stay , down and are very well socialized with other people and pets .We have to fine tune our leash walking and we are well on our way to becoming well -behaved canine citizens . We circled around the room with our respective puppies as my father watched with amusement from the sidelines . I had a flashback to another time in the same building with another shepherd not so long ago. A quiet moment of deja vu . I am sure Dakota would be proud of the young dogs following in her paw prints and her benevolent spirit will be with us watching over their progress in the weeks ahead .

BOOM

Last Monday my head felt something like that . On a bright note Ralph was visiting some other party goers and I was able to sleep my good times away. Big head and all , it was well worth the celebration of a new year .One thing I learned ..alcohol can make white people dance and I had one of the best times I never remembered with you.

Dancing With The Stars

My Dad and Martha are the creme de la creme when it comes to dancing . They jitterbugged , twisted , jived ,waltzed , and tangoed to the midnight hour ...and could show us young pups a thing or two about having a good time . I wanna be just like them when I grow up .

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

..and we did ! It was raining men and wine and the night was young ( and we lied about our age .) Questions still left unanswered : Who is that handsome hunk with CQ and where is his left hand ? Who ended up with my vintage bow tie by nights end ? Why does my friend's eyes match her hair ? ..and most importantly ..what happened to the La Senza lady ?

Everything Old is New Again

New Years Eve 1979 : Wearing black , dutch boy hair cut , trendy bow tie , newly made friend natural red head .

New Years Eve 2006 :Wearing black , hussy hair cut , same vintage bow tie , old friend *natural* red head .

It's been 27 years and I still cannot hold my booze . I have never been much of a drinker so when it hits me it's hit me good . As most of N@land knows CQ surprised me and we were all so happy that she made that choice for herself . As you can see I have kept my Playboy satin bow tie all of these years and it was funny to reinact that pose . I might just put the bow on Ebay and hope JB and CQ bid on it for my retirement . Stay tuned for more high and I do mean HIGH lights on my Happy Hicuppy Boozy Floozy New Year !

Happy Hangover

This site is temporarily shut down until Ma recovers . Please do not post too loudly.