Grandpa Horton Rolls Up The Rim

Grandpa Horton : I have a secret honeypoo. I stole Ma's laptop again .
Martha : Hehehehehhee ...you're such a bad boy !


Grandpa Horton : Sweetie, I feel like heading down to the shop for another coffee. What about you?
Martha : We have only been there 10 times in one day Big Daddy ..
Grandpa Horton : I know darlin' but its the beginning of Roll Up The Rim and you know how this old bugger likes free stuff.
Martha : I feel like I am on coffee overload .. all I can see is Tim Horton cups everywhere .
Grandpa Horton : Let's get rollin'..... I feel like a winner.
Martha : You are a winner Poppykins.

"Grandpa Horton thinks he is the only one who knows how to type. I have been sitting on Ma's lap for 2 years and have learned a few new tricks. This the news according to Wiz : Roll Up the Rim has 40 Toyota RAV4's, 100 $10,000 Cash Prizes , 1,000 Toshiba Netbooks,
25,000 Tim Cards, and over 31,000 ,000 Food Prizes . I don't drink coffee but I eat anything so feel free to mail me all your food prizes. Time for a wiz......
Your bud (and Ma's ),
Wizard

Who Is This Crazy Lady?

I am sure that is what my neighbors were thinking if they happened to spot me yesterday morning at 6 a.m. chasing my German Shepherd Karma in the backyard snow with a foil pie plate, little Yorkie Wiz ball nipping at my heels. Let me backtrack. For months now , Karma has developed an ongoing allergy problem which will turn into a life long battle unless she mysteriously outgrows it the way she came into it. In order to rule out an UTI ( Urinary Tract Infection), it was my solemn duty to capture the first concentrated mid stream dog pee of the morning. The night before, I prepared like a soldier in battle . My winter parka , boots, pie plate and plastic container for the vet transport were all in close proximity for my morning pee mission. At 6 a.m. Tuesday morning I donned my battle apparel and headed outside to complete my purpose with the determination of a true soldier. Keep in mind I was still half asleep and in my pajamas. Karma and Wizzy were extemely happy to see me outside at this undogly hour and promptly decided that a game of chase me was the order of the day. Karma became the leader taking a mad dash with her toy in her mouth, I followed with the tin plate , and Wizzy followed the two of us yapping happily to be in this unusal morning parade. By the time Karma squatted I was too much of a distance away to retrieve the yellow gold . She stopped in mid stream when I yelled at her "Noooooooooooooo.....". Both dogs froze ,( I was frozen) and looked at me in shock. I could almost read their devious little minds ("What's with her ? Aren't we suppose to do this pee thing outside ?")
I knew what I had to do. I marched indoors like the trooper I am and came back with Karma's leash . I leashed my patient and took her promptly back to said urine area and repeated my bathroom command of "Hurry up!". Like clockwork, Karma released and I captured her urine sample in the foil pie plate which was tranferred to the disposable plastic for the animal hospital.
Both dogs proceeded inside with me. Mission accomplished.
Later on that day I found out the postive news that Karma did not have any urine infection.
Wiz was happy to be around all the wizzing....and as for me ,

I am forever labelled as the neighborhood crazy lady.