Shrimp On A Treadmill ?

Shrimp in a basket deep fried I can take . Surf and turf ... fine and dandy. But shrimp on a treadmill. Why? I am all for the wonders of science, etc etc. For the life of me I just cannot fathom why a jogging crustacean on a teeny treadmill has any warrant in the scheme of all things awe inspiring. Scientists claim that the shrimp never tire . If I had that many legs maybe I would never tire either. Perhaps shrimp will become strong contenders for running marathons in the near future as long as they don't get stepped on or eaten .One saving grace for the little guys is that the scientists claim when the shrimp are sick that no one wants to eat them .
Who cares ?
Let's get physical .......

33?

" Yeah dude and dudettes ...got sumpin' to say about it ? "

Go celebrate your day baby .... I know I am .
Love ,
Mamasita

N@'s Eve

Birthday bids are open on this authentic papyrus of the famed poet laureate .

Friday's Gift

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for a number of years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like Mother of Pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold.

He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"

"This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.

"Wow! Would you happen to have some water" the man asked. Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up."

The man gestured, and the gate began to open.

"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road which led through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.

"Excuse me!" he called to the reader. "Do you have any water?"

"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there". The man pointed to a place that couldn't be seen from outside the gate. "Come on in."

"How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog.

"There should be a bowl by the pump."

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.

The traveler filled the bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree waiting for them.

"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.

"This is Heaven," he answered.

"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was Heaven, too."

"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's Hell."

"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"

"No. I can see how you might think so, but we're just happy that they screen out the folks who'll leave their best friends behind."

Author Unknown

HoSPAtal

I was awake at 5 a.m. and wired up for brain waves by 7 a.m. This time I had the ritz room ( not the crackers ). The bed was a double with a rainbow like comforter. Spa time. All I had to do was read and nap for one half hour every two hours. Sounds simple. It wasn't. I had slept a full 8 hours the night before , had 2 cups of coffee , and trying to make myself sleep again was a chore. I thought of sheep over fences. I thought of waves lapping on some distant shoreline. I thought of black sheets. I thought of blankness. I thought of Brad Pitt in a speedo. I thought of clouds , green grass and mountaintops. There herein was the problem. The thinking thing. Surprisingly enough, my warden, I mean my nurse , said I had actually went into REM sleep 3 times out of four . Obviously I must have been dreaming that I was awake. My father came in for a visit to see his daughter all tied up. I saved part of my breakfast and lunch for him and he happily brownbagged it home .
I don't think that part was a dream.
Results in three weeks .
The only thing concrete is the fact that I do have a brain .

Teri or Ma ?

T.G.I.F.

Thank God I'm Funky .

Ma Got Funked Up

I got funked up . Edgier . Sassy. Moussed . Texurized ,tipped , tousled and toned .
Went in for a bang trim and got a new lid. New me .

November 11, 2008

Remember the words and wear your poppy proudly .

We Will Remember Them

World War II and Winston Churchill

For my father , a WW2 veteran , one of the many heroes I proudly wear a poppy for every November .

A Stitch In Time

... saves nine .... puppies and more. Wizzy got his neutering stitches out this morning and what a brave little man he was . Not a peep out of him . I peeped silently. He may have left the animal hospital without his balls intact , but he is a better man ..err ..dog for it . Anyone with a pet must be responsible enough to spay and neuter them. Keep the breeding to the experts who know their lines and their genetics. Beware of so called backyard breeders. Keep unwanted litters out of shelters. Never buy from a pet store if possible . Many of the commercial puppies come from the puppy mills that N@ is so passionate about closing down. Quebec is the leading province in these canine factory farms. Be aware that a cute kitten and puppy grow up. Make sure you can afford this lifetime committment to its wellbeing . Pet overpopulation is the leading reason for needless euthanasia .
Wiz is a happy little Yorkie without having to worry about the mating ritual .
He can just watch Saturday night late movies like the rest of us .

My Hospital BuZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Inquiring ( or nosy ) minds wanna know how my night at the hospital was. Here is the scoop. I slept . I surprised myself that I did manage to sleep considering the amount of wires I had attached to my body. I packed up my little overnight bag and was there by 9 pm Tuesday night . There were actually 4 of us going to be monitored that night for sleep apnea . I had the largest room with the smallest bed . It was half the size of a single bed . I handed in my book like questionnaire , got my jammies on , sat down , and got all wired up. This took over one half hour. The nurse explained what I could expect through the night and the whys and the wherefores of all the wiring . I had glue on my scalp and through my hair in order to hold the electrodes . My legs , midriff , arms and even one of my fingers were taped and attached with wires . The signals reached the adjacent computer room where two technicians would monitor my breathing patterns , brain waves , heart rate , pulse ( and who knows maybe my gas emissions ) until 6 am the following morning . I went for one last before bedtime tinkle , hoping that none of my wires would end up in the toilet water and I would end up as Wednesday's headline . Donut Queen gets fried .
As I settled in for a long winter's nap on my 8 inches of sleeping space , the nice nurse strapped yet another wire package above my chest and one on my waist . If that was not enough two more wires were put into both nostrils. I thought how will I ever get to dreamland in this contraption ? I was also told I would be videotaped throughout the night to study my sleeping positions . Great . My yoga child pose should make interesting film fodder .
The lights went out . Wired up or not , I slept . I remember waking up a few times . I wanted to wave but thought better of it . Before I knew it , it was 6 am and the tech woke me up . Another half hour to unwire my body . I asked why in heck there was not some type of wireless technology happening here yet . The hospital crew wondered the same thing . Another questionaire on how I slept and I was free to go .
I should know the results in about a month .
If my boring sleep tape should ever make the black market (a la Paris Hilton ) , N@ will most likely post it under ....
TMZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.COM .

All Wired Up

Last night while I was all wired up at the sleep clinic, America made history . I never found out who the president elect of the United States was until this morning . Like many citizens of the world , I am so much more wired up about this historical event unlike anything before. If you grew up in the sixties , you would remember a humble Baptist minister who had a dream that one day blacks and whites would live as equals and have the same opportunities . Last night that dream came true in a big way . The election south of the border has given the entire world hope for a better tomorrow . The people spoke loud and clear that they wanted and needed change. Voters embraced democracy and non violence to achieve that goal .
If this is not proof enough for you that one person can make a difference , than what is ?
I am so proud today and excited about the global future .
( Now I have to go shower the glue globs out of my hair .. )

Americans Dance To The Polls

My Tuesday Sleepover

Whilst all of you will be glued to your TV sets tomorrow night awaiting the results of the American election , I will be strapped and wired to a hospital bed for a sleep apnea test . I have been waiting for this test since the month of June . You may recall my Montreal bonk on the head episode , this test is to check on my nightly oxygen level to the brain which could explain my fainting spell that fateful first of April . Since that time I have had a barrage of tests ranging from another CAT scan to chest X rays and a few emergency visits to the hospital . I thought my 3rd antibiotic was kicking in and for about a month , I felt almost normal considering I have had congestion and breathing problems for almost a year now . Slowly through the summer , the old nasal thing made a return visit and so I went back to my Doctor once again last week . Our new plan of action is a nasal cortisone spray, my sleep apnea test , and an allergist . Sleep apnea can be a little hard on the old ticker so they say , and I kinda wish to be around a while longer to irritate the masses . I went to La Senza yesterday with my daughter and bought new pair of asexual jammies for the hospital . If I am going to be filmed with my butt in the air , I would like to be at least a little fashionable . The neon orange T shirt says "Silent Nights Are Boring " with matching penguins on the flannel bottoms .
My bet for the election .. President Obama .
Penguins up .