Saturday, October 28, 2006

The Holy Hand Hot Fires of Hell

I felt like I was in a burning house . My hands and arms were on fire thanks to my pharmacist daughter who had all good intentions by giving me some pain reliever samples for arthritic pain last night . " Try these Mom ... free samples of Lakota topical pain reliever ." ...I should have known better , this from a kid who proudly swallows the entire jalapeno pepper from the East Side Mario's salad .Spicy is her middle name not mine . I used the package just before bedtime last night envisioning a restful sleep ...instead I was awake most of the night in my own personal red hot hell of a date with Satan himself snickering in the flames disguised as the native man on the Lakota package . At some point during the night I must have brushed my lips with my hand because in no time my lips were burning like * Hot Lips Houlihan *.I thought of getting up for a cold shower but instead washed my arms and hands and went back to my night of deep penetrating heat. This product boasts of being greaseless and odorless and you're the only one who knows your using it . No kidding. I felt like rolling in the snow this morning and shoving my hot hands in a bucket of ice . I think my neighbours would have noticed that you Lakota Lucifer medicine man .Read the small print . It is long lasting . I guess that means when hell freezes over I will feel the joy of arthritic fingers once again . Thanks Dawn.

11 comments:

JB said...

Maybe it's just me, but -
I sense frustration.

;-P

Anonymous said...

Funny, for some reason I thought I was reading Bob's blog till I got to the "try these mom" part...guess I better wait till I get to the party before I start imbibing. Drinking and blogging is dangerous!!! Hope you're *chilling out* now...

Anonymous said...

CQ: Why me?

Ma: Are you sure Dawn and my Native grandpa on the Lakota jar are to blame? Could it have been, oh, I don't know, maybe The Mother of All Hot Flashes???

Enquiring minds want to know. Besides, we all know what a Red Hot Ma(ma) you are.

Hey, how's this for innovation? At our hockey game tonight, one kid took a shot in the hand. There was no snow around -- Lord knows where Zamboni Man at the Maxville Arena dumps his load, so to speak -- and the snack bar didn't have ice cubes, so Trainer Bob (moi) filled a ziploc bag (the best, most versatile, most easily disposable cold pack known to man) with lime Slush Puppie! Erik (the player with the boo-boo on his hand) used it for pain relief, then drank it!
So, Ma, try a Slush Puppie next time you need cold fast. A Timmy's Iced Capp would also do the trick.

Glad I could help.

Bobbycakes

Ma Horton said...

Absolutely and without a doubt it was the Lakota ointment that fired up my limbs to the point of calling the fire department ..it was hot stuff ...I must have sensitive skin for that crap .( I do not usually sleep with lime slush puppies but thanks for the tip ) .

Anonymous said...

But think about this now ... Did you feel your arthritic pain while in heat? Aha .... me thinks this stuff works !

Cherylitta

JB said...

What flavour puppies do you usually sleep with?
;-)

Anonymous said...

It always comes back to Ma's puppies, one way or another, doesn't it?

JB said...

You keep pitchin' 'em,
I'll keep hittin' 'em.

Ma Horton said...

You aint nothin' but two hound dogs cryin' all the time ...pitch away ..if it gets too hot then get outta the kitchen .

N@ Lauzon said...

Mummy! Thanks for calling tonight! It was nice to hear your voice, my little sprite of the Nord!

Ma Horton said...

This isn't email you ass .