..with strands of toilet paper ....fa la la la la, la la la la ............tis the season to be naughty....fa la la la, la la la la ....don we now our cottonelle......fa la la la , la la la la la ....follow me in doggy pleasure.......fa la la la la , la la la la ....down the hall with Ma a yellin' ......fa la la la la , la la la la .....see the blazing Ma before us ...fa la la la la , la la la la ......whilst I chew my yuletide treasure........fa la la la la , la la la la......paper snow is everywhere ......fa la la la la , la la la laaaaaa .
( lyrics based on fact ) .
Saturday, November 25, 2006
HAPPY BIRTHDAY NATTYPANTS !! In my maternal mind I have my child stuck in a time warp . When I look at my youngest, I still picture her as 12 year old kid running around the house making me laugh with her crazy antics and rubber faces . Come to think of it , she still does that ...which goes to prove she has her Granpappy's genes in her for all time .Today is her 31st birthday and I know she and Scottypants are busy unpacking and enjoying their new condo .Happy Day .. * I don't care if you're 80 , you'll always be my baby . *
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Cocoa is the four month old Shihtzu puppy next door to me .She is a wiggly ,squiggly bundle of love and looks like she belongs on Barbie's bed . They have played together since day one despite the size difference and look forward to seeing each other whenever they can .We have another Shihtzu up the street called Delight who thinks she is the Paris Hilton of the neighbourhood and won't give Karma the time of day ...come to think of it ,either will her owner . Puppies are puppies no matter what the pedigreed or the size and it is fun to see them enjoying each other's company.
I wonder if they make pink faux fur leopard vests for shepherds?
Monday, November 20, 2006
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Sitting here with my coffee , Karma by my side switching channels on a lazy snowy Sunday morning . I began to watch two well dressed men praise the virtues of the Almighty cleansing and I figured what the hell a few words of religious wisdom never hurt anyone . We are all sinners and our bodies are toxic and need to be drained and cleansed at least 3 times a day after each meal......UH ?..I was expecting a few words of salvation when I came to the conclusion that not all sinners pass 10 foot stools like long black rubber hoses with little or no cramping or gurgling .Yep it was an infomercial for colon cleansing .Apparently we are jammed packed full of living parasites,some up to 10 feet of Loch Ness tapeworms . We will all feel a lot lighter and better without 10 pounds of fecal matter sitting in our bloated intestines every day of our lives .Dr. Danny proudly stated that being fecal free will cure depression ,cancer,allergies ,joint pain ,acne ,increase energy levels and a host of colon cleansing attributes including a sexual libido that would make a porn star blush. Damn and all this time I am having Fibre1 cereal and fresh fruit for breakfast when I should be on my own poop vacuuming mission of mercy .Medical doctors advise against this drastic method of ripping our insides out but Dr.Danny said that he should know the real facts because he has worked in a health food store for almost six years now and that $89.99 plus shipping and handling was a small price to pay for feeling as wonderful and nice smelling as he did .He almost had me convinced that I needed to be saved until the distinct odour of a passing fart brought me to my senses and I let Karma out for a doggie doo. I came to the conclusion that Dr. Danny ,despite his best efforts , was still full of it .
Thursday, November 16, 2006
I don't know why but lately I am wanting to call my puppy *Helga* . It seems like almost overnight she has doubled her weight and become an eating machine . I am happy she has a healthy appetite as my last shepherd was prone to many food allergies and did not look forward to mealtime like this one does . Karma does the spinning dance when she sees her dish and she politely sits until she has permission to devour every last morsel of culinary canine delight . Helga , I mean Karma is one of those types that lives to eat and she's not a bit flabby ...more like a solid cabbage roll of doggie flesh and gorilla hair . In fact , my pet name for her ( pun intended ) is "my chunky monkey ". For the life of me though and I swear on my milkbones , every time I look at her lately , I picture a German hausfraus in pin curls . I don't know why .
Monday, November 13, 2006
I saw Joe's wovel on the weekend . He only had one on display. When I saw it I wanted to break into Tina's ...." big wheel keep on turning , proud mary keep on burning ". It was big, black and shiny plus he even had a non X- rated instructional video to impress me but I had to decline that in a public place . He assured me of no backaches even though it was quite the size. Size ,of course is debatable and most of us agree that it is all in the performance that matters. Joe proudly said he could push a heavy load with it without a problem. I must say ,I had never ever seen one quite like his before but then again ,I do lead a quiet life . On top of that Joe said he could be finished in a space of 10 minutes or less without any overall heart pumping and that he always practised it safely . Good old Joe . I usually have to pay to have mine done .
I really need to get out more .
I really need to get out more .
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Monday, November 06, 2006
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Thursday, November 02, 2006
You know how you have a fright that makes you think about how lucky you were .I had one of those this morning . After a visit with my Dad and his sweetheart , I decided to take a quick visit to see a friend of mine up the road a ways . He lives on a narrow street with a driveway on an incline . He had wanted to see Karma and I promised him, so I took the unplanned moment to do that on my way home . Karma was safely asleep in her crate at in the back . I pulled into his driveway right behind his Rav , parked and exited my vehicle . In a split second , my Tahoe was sliding down his icy driveway onto the busy street..without me , the designated driver I might add ! Within seconds I opened the door of the moving vehicle , grabbed the wheel , put the brake and the emergency on , caught my breath , and reversed the car to the road and the traction of the pavement . Funny how you do things in emergencies without even knowing you are doing them and thank God we do . At home thinking of the consequences of * what if * ....I have to say I had an angel watching over little Karma and I today.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
..and that's woolies not willies for all of you who can't read . We have had snow for a while now and I must say the older I get the less I like it ..if I ever did . Karma & True are fascinated by the white stuff on the ground and think of it as their own personal slush puppies .It is interesting to see the world from a dog's perspective as they discover something new in their puppyworld each day .Today it was a green garbage bag that seemed like the jolly green giant, a pink feather left over from a small child's costume , and a sad , orange pumpkin spewing out seeds on the sidewalk for puppies to taste . Like wolves leaving the den ,we have even had the courage to reach the end of our street now and come home safely . Everything is new again .