Fecequality

It seems that Wizard has discovered that his own poo is every bit as delectable as Karma's. I have caught him several times this week with a miniature turd in his mouth instead of his usual poop whopper. Will this never end? Yesterday with all the ice and snow and sub zero weather, he still went out to the potty area sniffing around for a snack. I had cleaned up the day before but it seems Karma had to go in the morning and I had missed the big event. Immediately , I called the little poop eating machine back to the door. Wizard excels at the recall because when he returns, I have a pet store dog treat for him most of the time. Yesterday , I saw his little hairy head lift over the snow bank when I yelled "Wizzy , come." He came a running dragging behind him what I would describe as a poo snow boulder. The biggest one yet. A massive amount of frozen dog stools stuck together with ice and snow. It was more than half the size of his four pound body. He was so quick that he had it in the house and on the mat before you could say sh**.
So today I am thinking .. are we missing something? Not a screw loose , but the fact there might be an entrepreneur in the making here. Perhaps this stuff does taste good. At least to dogs.
Wizard and I could start our own franchise.. Wizard's Whoppers. Of course , Karma would be the silent partner in all of this.
Either that , or I rent the little bastard for cleaning yards in the spring.

Call Me Jack

I am beginning to feel like I am in The Shining. We had another winter storm after midnight last night and woke up to yet another minus 37C morning with 15 -20 more cm of sparkly snow flakes (I like to refer to it as white sh**). Let it be known far and wide (and yes I am feeling wide as I gorge on winter comfort food), that I am not nor have I ever been a winter person. There is no winter holiday planned this year which has added to my restlessness and pina colada urges . I almost bought a SAD ( Seasonal Affective Disorder ) lamp at Sears the other day until I thought what good is the simulated sunlight without an umbrella drink and the ocean. Oh right ... I could get off my wide back porch and make my own drink in the tub but it is just not the same. Besides , how can anything called SAD make me happy. After his early morning constitution, all Wizzy wanted to do was burrow underneath the warm blankets. Karma went belly up, groaned , and fell back to sleep. You know it's cold when the dogs do not care to go out.
I thought we were in global warming. Perhaps not. More like global freezing to death .
Frosty the snowman is nothing but a frozen creep in a top hat and scarf.....and Jack Frost can go lick a metal fence. I am fed up.
Have you ever had a SINGLE MOMENT'S THOUGHT about my responsibilities? Have you ever thought, for a single solitary moment about my responsibilities to my employers?? Has it ever occurred to you that I have agreed to look after the OVERLOOK Hotel until May the FIRST. Does it MATTER TO YOU AT ALL that the OWNERS have placed their COMPLETE CONFIDENCE and TRUST in me, and that I have signed a letter of agreement, a CONTRACT, in which I have accepted that RESPONSIBILITY? Do you have the SLIGHTEST IDEA, what a MORAL AND ETHICAL PRINCIPLE IS, DO YOU? Has it ever occurred to you what would happen to my future, if I were to fail to live up to my responsibilities? Has it ever occurred to you? HAS IT??
....oops , sorry fell asleep for a sec ....

Grandpa Horton Bangs The Bongos For Roll Up The Rim

"Hey out there to the World Wide Webbers , it's Grandpa Horton letting you know that Tim Hortons Roll Up The Rim starts TODAY ! I loooooove to win as much as I like drinking the coffee.
One of our stores won a car last year .....now that was something . There are 35 2009 Toyota Venzas waiting under that cup for 35 lucky customers ...wish it was me ...but it could be YOU !.
Who wouldn't like 100 10,000 cash prizes to ease the recession headaches. This year there are 1,000 Toshiba laptops and 25,000 $100 Tim cards to be had . Plus if you like to eat as much as I do you will love the fact that there are over 31,000,000 food prizes.
For all of you snowbirds in Florida , tough Timmies .. you may have the sun , but we got the COFFEE and the CARS .
Well time to rrrrrrRRRRRRRoll on outta here ...
Regards ,
Grandpa Horton .
p.s. Hit delete if you see Ma . "

Oscar Who? Get Rollin'...

Starts tomorrow. A little pre - exercise warm up to get you in the mood .
http://www.rolluptherimtowin.com

Obamamania

I have it. I have it just like I had Beatlemania in the sixties. I wish I was in Ottawa right now to catch the fever. My television is the closest I can get to the new president. I watched the blue and green presidential plane ( Air Force One ) land on Canadian soil. President Obama descended the steps with his trademark smile. As he greeted the entourage of government dignitaries , I found that I was smiling right along with them. Just like I was really there. He just has that effect on people. I watched the crowds ... student and senior, bundled up children, politicians , a stoic RCMP with a glimpse of a grin. We were all smiling.
You can't help but catch the air of positivity that follows this man. He has been called the "rock star" president. I am sure his daughters laugh over that one.
It may have been a typical windy cold day in Ottawa but you could feel the warmth of hospitality everywhere. The handshake of two nations looking to the future with hope.
P.S. Malia and Sasha ..Daddy bought Canadian cookies st the Ottawa market for you .
"Obladi , oblada....happy ever after in the marketplace ."

Just A Dog

(For all of you who love dogs as much as I do .)

If you, too, think it's "just a dog," then you will probably understand phases like "just a friend," "just a sunrise," or "just a promise."

"Just a dog" brings into my life the very essence of friendship, trust, and pure unbridled joy.

"Just a dog" brings out the compassion and patience that makes me a better person.

Because of "just a dog" I will rise early, take long walks and look longingly to the future.

So for me, and folks like me, it's not "just a dog" but an embodiment of all the hopes and dreams of the future, the fond memories of the past and the pure joy of the moment.

"Just a dog" brings out what's good in me and diverts my thoughts away from myself and the worries of the day.

I hope that someday they can understand that it's not "just a dog" but the thing that gives me humanity and keeps me from being "just a human."

So the next time you hear the phrase "just a dog." just smile....because they "just don't understand."

- Anonymous

Have A Sweet Day

My Sunshine Boy

The Wiz is sick. I hear your thoughts .."is it any wonder with all those poop sandwiches .." . Let me state that the Wizard is on a high quality food and has been since day 1. I believe his little body was not missing any needed nutrients that drove him to decide one day that the snacks outside were better than the food inside. This morning I knew that something was just not right with him. Usually full of fun , Wiz seemed legarthic . His gumline looked whitish and not the usual healthy pink. He was vomiting long strings of foamy bile and eventually ended up with the runs. I called the vet and we were in the office by 10 a.m. With small dogs , time is important as they they can deteriorate quite quickly. His temperature was normal ( good sign). I agreed to blood work just to be on the safe side. By noon hour , the vet called to say his white blood count was low which made it harder for him to fight infection. Wiz returned to the clinic where he given an injection to build up his little system. His food was changed to a more platable diet for sensitive stomachs , diarrhea and vomiting meds, plus a suppmement called "Forbid" to put on Karma's dog food to make her feces taste less appealing to Wiz. ( who knew ? )
My little buddy napped in a sunbeam most of the day, happy just to be back in familar surroundings.
In four days he should be his old self again. Although this little guy is a ton of work, as he lay on my lap this afternoon, I thought of how he managed to find his place in the world with his loving nature and fun personality. Like so many pets before him , he is laying the foundation for a legacy of love ( and vet bills.)
He is my little sunshine boy.

The Race Is On

( With apologies to George Jones )

Now the race is on and here comes Wizzy up the back yard
Ma's shovel is a-going to the snow side
My boots are holding back trying not too fall
Ma cartwheels out of the running
New poo is snatched for another mutt
The race is on
And it looks like Ma got the sore butt
And the Wizard takes it all.

The Poop Placebo

If nicorette can work for nicotine addiction, I am hoping that Mr. Poops can satisfy the little guy's coprophilia, which is the technical word for poop eating canines.
The poop placebo looks like poop. It is shaped like poop. However, it smells like plastic and we all know that a dog's number one sense is smell.
Can Wizzy be fooled ?
A poo by any other name would smell as sweet.

Bad Dream

I have been dreamless for months. Last night, I had a vivid and bad nightmare. I remember wanting to wake up from it but could not detach myself from the scenes playing out in my subconscious. My recollection this morning goes somewhat like this :
I was in a resort of some kind, sitting at a table with persons unknown. I seemed to know one girl and we chatted a bit. The world outside the resort was dark and we were told by a waiter not to venture out as there was a revolt of some kind amongst the people and they were not liking the fact that we were here. The girl and I did not like to be told we could not go out. She said she was leaving for the outside anyways. She wore a brightly colored scarf around her neck and left me smiling and laughing. I saw her walking on the roads outside which were more muddy gutters than roads. Her scarf was the only thing shimmering in the dark, muddy night as she walked into the bleak and empty horizon.
Scene switches to a door and I hear a knock on that door . I open it and on the outside door knob is her colorful scarf. A sinister looking man had left it and I asked where she was. He was going to reply but stopped as he turned to face me. He was tall and thin, said nothing, just looked at me and with a half smile. He turned and walked down the hallway.
The law authorities were to the right of me. They said he will not admit to anything because she was found raped and murdered in the mud.
That is where the dream ends.
It was not a nice dream to think about this morning. It has been said that some dreams that are vivid may have some psychological significance in your life.
Either that , or ... I have been watching way too many C.S.I. reruns.

For The Three Snoots

You know who you are and I am so blessed to know who you are as well.
Love & prayers,
Ma ( Snoot in Training )

] Time In A Bottle If I could save Time in a bottle The first thing that I'd like to do Is to save every day Till Eternity passes away Just to spend them with you If I could make days last forever If words could make wishes come true I'd save every day like a treasure and then, Again, I would spend them with you But there never seems to be enough time To do the things you want to do Once you find them I've looked around enough to know That you're the one I want to go Through time with If I had a box just for wishes And dreams that had never come true The box would be empty Except for the memory Of how they were answered by you But there never seems to be enough time To do the things you want to do Once you find them I've looked around enough to know That you're the one I want to go Through time with. Jim Croce