Saturday, January 31, 2009

Take Out

Take out is not in the context of coffee or donuts. I am referring to "take out" turds or should I say "take in"turds.
Wizzy has decided that the weather is just too cold to eat outside. After visiting his favorite poopsicle spot this morning, my little darling came running back as fast as his little legs could bring him. Once inside, he dropped his little treasure on the mat, a piece of frozen Karma poo, and looked at me like the prince of poopland. I must say his speed of service was commendable. If half my staff ordered up as quickly as this little guy we would have the number one drive thru in the country. Plus he has the personality to match. He sits politely leaving you the order you never wanted with bright eyes and a doggie grin. The thought crossed my mind to tip him a toonie. I have been out as much as three times a day lately scooping as fast as Karma is pooping. Since Yorkshire terriers were originally bred to catch rats in burrows, I somehow think that Wizard's genetics might be kicking in to dig for smelly rat like turds. Hence the term "rat dawg".
So if you're in the mood for a poop sandwich one night , call up 1-705-WIZ-TURD.
Free delivery .

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

School Daze

"School days , dear old golden rule days . Reading and 'riting and 'rithmetic taught to the tune of a hickory stick ."

Can you find Maldo ?

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

A Little Whine

Time for a little whine. Call up the Tabernacle Choir and Meet The Fockers , which is my way of being polite describing the cramp in my right foot. This cramp comes and goes which is one of the reasons I saw the podiatrist a few years back and he suggested using crocs as slippers since I am sans arch. Today at the mall, I felt like a wounded soldier limping back from the battlegrounds. The pain is excruciating. I sat in the truck for a while, took off my boot , and massaged and bent my toes and foot in a fruitless attempt to alleviate the problem. This is one of the reasons I am always kind to my feet and buy comfy footwear. If anything I have learned through the years is that you cannot be cheap with your feet. Been there , done that and I have suffered for it. Traipsing around in heels with bandages is not a sexy sight. It has been three hours now and my right foot still hurts.
That's it. Time for a little wine to kill the pain.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Monday Morning Chuckle

With thanks to my sister !


You are on the bus when you suddenly realize ... You need to fart. The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat. After a couple of songs, you start to feel better. You approach your stop. As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring at you, and that's when you realize, you have been listening to your ipod................

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Feces Felon

The Wizard of Paws (otherwise known as Wizard, the Wiz, Wizzy, Wizzypoopoo or My Wet Little Penis Boy ) is wanted very much for the foul mouthed act of a feces felony. His is described as wearing a black and tan coat with beady little brown eyes. Suspect was last seen in the vicinity of the backyard with his nose to the snow.
It is believed his accomplice providing the contraband is a meek and mild shepherd of German descent. Approach with caution as the little guy has been known to steal your heart .

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

The Day The Sky Changed

Today the United States of America welcomed its 44th president , Barack Hussein Obama. I watched on television like most of the world marveling at this new day and era in history. I listened to the inauguration speech and watched as he took the oath of office. Abraham Lincoln would have been proud to witness true equality in the highest office of the land. Martin Luther King would have seen his dream finally come true .The president will have struggles and challenges and I, like millions of others , pray for his personal safety to carry out his legacy. Today is a day of ritual, parades, banquets and balls .
Tomorrow the real work begins.
This morning I saw a winter rainbow . That is always a sign of hope . Today the sky changed .

Sunday, January 18, 2009

The Poop Chronicles Continued

Wizard and I are still in competition. He runs out as fast as his little legs will carry him to the potty area and I am after him with the pooper scooping shovel. I have cayenned peppered Karma's turds in the hopes that Wizzy will leave this fetish alone. Seems he likes spicy food. I am sure my neighbors think I am off the proverbial rocker as I pepper the poop with all the fanaticism of Rachael Ray at a dung festival. The only solution is a quick picker upper. Karma is not impressed with the little shadow between her legs as she goes for her bathroom breaks. Wizzy has taken to standing right beneath her, facing her back legs waiting for the offering to the gods. He is still under Karma when she is in her squat position. Sometimes , he even barks demanding her to hurry up.
I am really hoping Wiz outgrows this newly formed habit of his. I know it is disgusting and funny at the same time. My greatest fear is that he will come in one day soaked in dog urine.
If he likes that too, he is in a piss pot of trouble.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Words of Warmth on a Wintry Day

Although these thoughts were not written by yours truly , the words echoed true and warmed my soul today. I hope it does the same for you .

1. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
3. Sleep for 7 hours.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
5. Play more games.
6. Read more books than you did the previous year.
7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
9. Dream more while you are awake.
10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
11. Drink plenty of water.
12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
13. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
14. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
15. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
16. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
17. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
18. Smile and laugh more.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Don't compare your partner with others.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
25. Forgive everyone for everything.
26. What other people think of you is none of your business.
27. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
28. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
29. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
30. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
31. The best is yet to come.
32. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
33. Do the right thing!
34. Call your family often.
35. Your inner most is always happy. So be happy.
36. Each day give something good to others.
37. Don't over do. Keep your limits.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

9:OO A.M.

...and it is minus 35 C .

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


God's toothpicks.
Lone surfer.
Waiting for the Master .
Return from the sea.
I thought of the west today . The mountains and the ocean remain steadfast within my thoughts. I looked back at some of the photos I had taken and they took on new meaning. The reflections of memories and moments captured in the shutter of my camera. The stark beauty of the day at the Pacific Rim is etched in mind and frame. It was not the warm stream of the Gulf but the cold reality of the northern waters of the Pacific Ocean. The mountains lost in the mist surrounded the driftwood tossed on the sand like divine toothpicks.
We walked the beach that day each of us in private thought. Surfers braved the mighty waves while their dogs waited in anticipation of their return. I remember the wind and the water being cold.
I looked back today and saw the beauty, the power, the infinity and the loneliness of that day.
I plan to frame these photos in my human attempt to capture time.

Monday, January 12, 2009

The January Jiggles

I did it. I followed through. I got on my treadmill this morning. I was determined that this would be the morning I started taking care of the doughnut ring around my middle. I got out my exercise shorts and laced up the Nikes. With Wizzy biting at my laces, I found the workout music that would put me in the zone for zooming. A few phone calls set me back time wise. I put Wiz in the kennel with a chew. The treadmill was dusty but after the cobwebs were cleaned and the clothes removed from the handlebars , I finally stood on the machine itself. It had been awhile. With all my breathing problems, I had not used it in over a year. I forgot how to start it. After that problem was resolved, Gretchen and I sang to Redneck Woman. Before we hit the last verse , the batteries went dead in the CD player. I came back up and changed them and went back down to start over. I was half way through when I realized I had forgotten to bring some water. Back upstairs for that. I figured going up and down the staircase has to at least count for a warm up. I am proud to say that I did finally finish the first day of my morning cardio.
I had a healthy breakfast full of fibre then I went outside to pick up cayenne peppered poo ( see post below.)
Day 1. Hopefully by June, the jig will be up on the January jiggles.

Friday, January 09, 2009


That cute little hairy face in the post below has discovered the delicacy of feces eating. It started about two weeks ago. Wizard was outside for a bathroom break. He loves to lift his leg in the white snow and watch how it changes colors and catches the light. It has been so cold that he is never out for longer than 5 minutes. Usually when he is called, he comes a-running like a bat out of hell in anticipation of his " I did my pee outside treat". This one day , I called and he nonchalantly glanced my way and continued to dig at his buried treasure. I went out to see what was drawing his attention and there he was , my little sweetheart, his head in a pile of frozen turd. It was not his own. It was Karma's pile. Large and quite frozen. I grabbed the little sh** , and with a stern voice gave the "No " word. I wanted Wizzy to know that this was indeed a definite bad thing to do and that good little doggies do not eat poop. At least he was discriminatory and did not eat his own poo. I try to pick up every day so that Wizzy never gets the chance to find and do the taste test on any more fudgicles. One afternoon the dogs ran out together. Karma running to her spot near the tree with Wiz running frantically behind her barking away at her heels. Wait for me. Karma ran back and forth , did the circle dance , and then I saw her humping her back getting ready to dump the load. Horror of horrors . Underneath her curved up tail , was a little gleeful face waiting and ready to grab a chunk of always fresh.
I ran out ....."NOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooo."
Both dogs looked at me like I had lost my mind. Inside they went and outside I went with my shovel.
It is going be a long winter. I am determined to win the poop Olympics.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Howliday Fashions

" Ma said they sold outta Santa so I had to take second base in elfin green ...."
"All decked out for the dance ."
"Champagne anyone?"
I will be the first to admit that dogs in clothes really use to irritate me. I mean the good Lord gave them a fur coat for a reason, right ? Then Wiz came along and changed my entire way of thinking about doggie fashion. My first purchase was that T shirt that read "bad to the bone". Like all kids , he has long out grown that one. As the weather got colder, his wardrobe increased. Little red plaid woolies and blue suede jackets now adorn his 4 pound body when he ventures out into the great outdoors. I never thought I would ever be a dog dressing Mama. When I hold Wiz in public I always feel the need to say that I have a 70 pound German shepherd home at home. Guess it makes me feel like a real woman. The groomer explained that having warm outfits for Wizzy that protected his heart and lungs from the cold was a health issue and not just a fashion one. Yorkshire terriers do not have fur but hair so which makes the little guys more susceptible to temperatures below zero. I have to admit Wiz loves the great outdoors whether he is out naked or not.
So there you have it . I have become a dog dresser. And I love it .
We did the holiday in elfin green and the New Year was black tie.
I am eyeing the black Harley T for the spring.
Byte me .

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Vita Nova

"Vita Nova " is Latin for " new life " or "new beginnings". Nothing says new beginning like a new born baby. This is a sneak peak of baby Merrick that I managed to photograph despite the parental protests of no paparazzi. He is a beautiful boy and the pride and joy of his family. Thinking of babies , it will not be long before our own Ms. T. will be cradling her own bundle of joy. Bringing new life into this world is an immense responsibility as well as an infinite labor of love . This is also a time when people think of resolutions for a "vita nova". I have never been one to make resolutions but this year I have decided that at least one is long overdue .
It is actually the same as Oprah's resolution . It is not about weight .
It is about love .
To love myself enough in order to take better care of myself. To put myself on the list of people I love. I have always thought that was such a vain and selfish thing. Now I know better .
I might pedicure my feet more , manicure my hands more , buy something frivolous just because I want too, travel more, read more, rest more, bike more, walk more , talk more , laugh more ... and most importantly ,
live more.
It is 2009. Time passes and waits for no man ..or woman.
It is about balance . It is about time .